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dreams in neon · 03-12-2009, 06:02 PM

Hi everyone,

Would you mind describing for me some of the symptoms you have when you're hypomanic?

I'm having trouble identifying mine. I know I feel better than usual towards the beginning of a hypomanic episode, but it doesn't last long. Within a day (usually hours) I crash into extreme anger/irritability and then depression. It follows the same pattern as my manic episodes except that my feelings last for a much shorter period of time.

Having said that, it's still difficult for me to identify hypomania since I don't get hypomanic very often. I tend to rapid cycle between mania, agitation and depression before the cycle starts all over again, but in a different pattern.

Any comments?

katlin09 · 03-12-2009, 06:44 PM

Dreams,

I only get hypomanic as results of major drug changes as you know. But when I do I start off the first and second day as being very much in a good mood, lots of energy, and I enjoy the he** out of it, because as you also know I'm almost also depressed. I tend to speed around town in the car, never paying attention to the speed limit, with the stereo blaring. Then after that I start to think that I can handle anything like I'm superwoman and I don't need to call my pdoc and let him know what's going on, I can fix it all by myself. My sleep schedule does not get interfered though, what little one I have, and by the day before it's over I tend to lock myself in my apartment so I don't do something stupid in public. And after 3 or4 days it's over and I'm back to my depressed self. My pdoc and tdoc are usually ticked at me afterwards because I tend not to call them and let them know what's happening, I've only called them once. If it's close to a tdoc appt. then she knows straight off, ditto for my pdoc.

hope this helps.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-12-2009, 08:01 PM

Kat,

Thanks for answering my question.

How do you distinguish between "normal" happiness vs. hypomania? I know you deal with depression more than hypomania, so I don't know if you can answer that, but I thought I'd ask anyways.

I think I'm going to discuss this with my tdoc when I see him tomorrow because I'm very confused by the difference.

I think I was hypomanic last night only because I was feeling really good, but as quickly as that feeling came, it disappeared and I felt extremely irritable. I had to take 2 doses of Clonazepam and 300mg of Trazodone to calm down so I could sleep.

Now that I think about the mood chart that I wrote for today, I did feel hypomanic again earlier this afternoon, but my moods eventually started to level off.

By the way, I still have this d*mn headache which 3 doses of Imitrex have done nothing for. I'm thinking about going to the ER tomorrow before my tdoc appointment to find out if they can give me Zomig or an injection. My head is pounding right now.

typeing · 03-12-2009, 08:07 PM

Hope your head feels better.

katlin09 · 03-12-2009, 08:21 PM

Dreams,

I guess I can tell because when I'm hypomanic the good mood gets better and better and better. When I'm a bit stable and just in a normal good mood, it's a very mild good mood, I'm never overly excitable or jumping around joking, etc. My good mood is probably similar to your beginnin stages of depression, if that makes any sense.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-12-2009, 08:24 PM

Thanks, typeing. <hugs>

Kat,

I'm not sure I understand because when I'm at the beginning stages of feeling depressed, I feel suicidal. I don't experience mild depression -- it's always severe and involves me wanting to harm myself.

katlin09 · 03-12-2009, 08:29 PM

Okay, you go major off the cliff in the beginning. What about last weekend when you were coming out of it, that seemed a bit more gradual towards the end when you were barely depressed and starting to be in a better mood maybe that's more accurate.

I guess I'm just more quiet and "stick to myself" so even if I'm in a good mood, I still don't want to be around people, etc. I'll play board games and Wii and such with Nick as opposed to when I'm depressed I don't do anything but stay in my room by myself.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-12-2009, 08:34 PM

That would be a good description and is something I can understand.

As far as my depression is concerned, I get to the point where I'm catatonic. I can't move, speak or think clearly and end up sleeping 12-16 hours/day. I also SH.

As for last weekend, Friday and Saturday were really bad, but by Sunday, my mood was starting to improve a little. By the time Monday rolled around, I was back to feeling level again. On Tuesday I was depressed because of the weather. On Wednesday I was level with the exception of feeling energetic last night. Today I felt level again with some added extra energy thrown in. Makes me wonder what tomorrow will bring. LOL!

katlin09 · 03-12-2009, 11:04 PM

Yeah girl I feel for you. I go nuts when I'm super depressed for a couple of weeks and then I wake up and all the sudden I'm not and have to "rethink" my daily routine, etc. and then after a week or so back to the severe not getting out of bed depression. I would go crazy cycling as often as you do. You're definitely a stronger person than I am.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-12-2009, 11:13 PM

Kat,

If truth be told, sometimes I feel like God cursed me with rapid cycling bipolar. Sometimes I wish I could go back to 2006 when I was diagnosed as schizoaffective because I didn't rapid cycle at that time (my rapid cycling didn't start until 12 months after that diagnosis) and my mood was relatively stable on only 2 meds (Depakote and Risperdal) with the exception of my voices, delusions and paranoia.

I'm beginning to think that schizoaffective *was* the correct diagnosis for me back then only because I was hearing voices, etc. while in a normal mood as well as when I was manic.

As my tdoc and pdoc told me, diagnoses can change which mine did. 12 months after I was diagnosed as schizoaffective bipolar type, it changed to bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling.

In December, it changed yet again to atypical bipolar I with ultradian rapid cycling.

If truth be told, I guess I could still be considered schizoaffective since I hear voices if I'm off of meds which would mean that I have auditory hallucinations when I'm in a normal mood state as well as when I'm manic or depressed.

In the end though, I guess it doesn't matter as long as my symptoms are being addressed.

katlin09 · 03-12-2009, 11:47 PM

I get you with the God thing, my theory is that he put me down here to be his personal Court Jester and everytime he slams me with the next bad thing in the storm that is my life, he sits up there and laughs. I'm a bit cynical these days I guess.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 12:22 AM

Kat,

I know how you feel. I'm of the opinion that whenever God tests me, He's laughing at the same time. You'd think He'd get tired of laughing so much after everything I've had to deal with. It would be nice to get a break sometime, wouldn't it? Lord knows you and I certainly deserve it.

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 07:32 AM

I'm hypomanic again this morning. I can't type fast enough, read fast enough and people can't talk fast enough (on television) to maintain my concentration. I have an appointment with my tdoc this afternoon, so I think I'm going to take 2 doses of Clonazepam before then so I don't end up rapid cycling into mania or agitation and he doesn't end up asking me if I'm manic. I hate it when he does that. LOL!

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 07:34 AM

On another note, I'm going to ask my pdoc if he can raise my Trazodone from 300mg PRN to 400mg because I went to sleep last night around 2:30, but woke up at 7. That's only 4.5 hours of sleep. I'm supposed to take 300mg whenever I feel manic or can't sleep, but it's not having any effect on me.

katlin09 · 03-13-2009, 10:18 AM

You know that stupid saying, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger." I'm strong enough dam* it, I'd rather it kill me. I am so tired of dealing wiht this disease and the self harm and the PTSD and the OCD, well that one is getting way better since I'm off the Cymbalta, I actually went to bed last night without checking to make sure all the towels and candles, plants, etc. were lined up straight like they were supposed to be. All of this on top of the Chronic Pain, being in pain virtually all day every day....it's just way too much.

Me and my Pdoc have one thing that we disagree on and tend to argue about, my CP meds. I take Oxycontin and Percocet (prn) for pain control. And actually the Oxy is a step down, I was on Fentanyl 7 months ago. He always brings this up and harps on it, because he wants me off of them. He's like you know your dependant on these highly addictive narcotics. Yep, been taking them for 6 years, I got it. One of these days I'm going to skip them and crawl into his office in so much pain and without the abiity to walk, and maybe then he'll understand that there is a legitimate need for them and they're not just for fun! I told him on tuesday that my dependance is not as strong as most, for some reason my body doesn't require them as much, I can miss a days worth and nor have any withdrawals. So he gave me "that" look and said have you ever just stopped cold turkey, and I was like what kind of idiot would do that????

Oh well I don't see any of it changing any time in the near future.

kat

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 10:33 AM

Kat,

You DO need these meds to control your pain and like you said, one does not take them for no reason at all. Perhaps it would help prove your point if you were to walk into your pdoc's office one day in so much pain that he is able to see for himself what a huge difference they make.

I'm starting to get the same kind of business from people I've told about my Clonazepam. Suddenly benzos are the worst thing in the world because they're addictive. I'm sorry, but until you've had to deal with rapid cycling like I have, you have no right to tell me what I should or shouldn't be taking -- especially since my pdoc knows best and I've been unstable for 1.5 years thanks to my last poor excuse of a pdoc.

Sometimes it would be nice of people could keep their opinions to themselves, you know?

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 02:19 PM

I went to my tdoc appointment this afternoon and if truth be told, it stunk. We got into a disagreement about a problem I had with my prescription back in November thanks to the fill-in pdoc who gave me a different form of Depakote. (He gave me Depakote ER when I was taking standard Depakote at the time) My tdoc explained to me in an abrasive tone that Depakote ER was the same formula as standard Depakote, but took longer to be absorbed in the bloodstream. I'm sorry, I'm not a pdoc, so I had no idea. He argued with me about whose fault it was. I blamed the pdoc since he was the one who wrote the prescription and my pharmacy was the one who filled the order according to what was written. He said no, it was the pharmacy's fault because he couldn't see anything in my chart which indicated that I was given Depakote ER. We went around in circles for about 5 minutes before he double checked my chart and told me that I was correct -- that this pdoc DID give me the wrong prescription. *sigh* Not that it makes any difference now, but the point was that I was being accused of being non med-compliant by one of the hospital nurses when I was admitted IP back in December. My psychotic depression started 2 weeks after I stopped taking my Depakote since I was given the wrong prescription. I probably could have checked the Internet for this information or called my pharmacy, but if truth be told, I didn't want to risk taking a med that could have been different from the standard Depakote I was originally taking. I also called my regular pdoc several times to inquire about this, but (surprise, surprise) he never returned my calls.

My tdoc also scolded me for not taking my Clonazepam earlier in the day yesterday to avoid being manic. (He says I'm manic.) I told him I took it last night -- I just didn't take it in the afternoon like I probably should have.
What's the big deal if I miss 2 tablets in the afternoon, but take them at night instead? My prescription says 1-2 tablets 2-3x/day PRN.

He asked me how my sleep has been. I was honest and told him I had 4.5 hours of sleep last night and 2 hours of sleep the night before.

Now he's concerned about the fact that I haven't been sleeping on a regular basis and told me the last time I saw him, I didn't sleep for 5 nights. I agreed that I would take 3 Clonazepams at night and 300mg of Trazodone to help myself fall asleep until I get my sleep pattern back on track.

I got so fed up that I told him I didn't want to see him next week and scheduled an appointment for 2 weeks from now. I need time to cool off because I'm really angry about what happened today. My tdoc has never scolded or has been short with me before and it made me feel like I was a 6 year old child all over again. Perhaps he had a bad day. I don't know and I don't care.

I was still feeling pretty angry and was on the verge of tears on the way home, so I asked the cab driver to go to the drive-through of a local fast food restaurant and ordered 4 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries and a large chocolate shake so I could pig out on junk food and feel better.

I can't remember the last time I've had fast food, so I considered it to be a well-deserved reward for myself given how I was treated by my tdoc today.

If I end up gaining several pounds because of what I've eaten, who cares.

Anyways, that's how my day has gone so far. It looks like Friday the 13th has lived up to its' name at least for me.

I'll write more again later after I've had time to calm down.

katlin09 · 03-13-2009, 02:20 PM

Oh yeah I know, I don't tell anyone about what heavy duty narcotics I take. Only my immediate family, meaning my husband, my oldest son, and my mother and father in law, knows my complete med. list. People always look down on you and have their own their own screwed up opinion regarding narcotic use as well as benzo's, they thing they know what their talking about because they might have seen a documentary on TV or read something in a magazine.

dreams in neon · 03-13-2009, 02:25 PM

Kat,

It's ridiculous how people look at pain meds and benzos. I honestly don't see what the problem is in my case since I'm not addicted and am taking my med exactly as prescribed (actually, I'm not taking as much as I should since I'm supposed to take 1-2 tablets
2-3/xday as needed and I've only taken 2 tablets/day every 48 hours). I wish people would learn how to educate themselves about these meds instead of listening to false information and then making us feel like drug addicts. *sigh*

typeing · 03-13-2009, 02:25 PM

Awww, Dreams, it seems like that tdoc can be a real arse. <<hugs>> As it isn't your fault, i hope he can get over himself.

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