I was wondering if its good to try to bring my gf, who is bipolar and has add, back to reality and break down all of her problems to the basics and show her that its not so bad. like in one situation she was crying due to the fact that she had a test the next day and she wasn't studying because she was stressed out that she wouldn't pass the test. So I was there to be there for her and hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright but it didn't really work. So we went downstairs to talk to her dad and her dad broke it down and asked her how many tests and how many points there are and told her that even if she did do bad she could still pull off and A. Then we went to the gym and then she started to study. But I was wondering if this method always works for school work related stress and also if it has a negative impact later on? If you guys could help me out with this and if you have any advice for what to do to help her calm down that would be a great help. (oh yea and there is a little happy ending, she got an A, in trig. I'm not sure that I could ever do that)
UMMMMM...this is a tough one, Dreams where are you??? *s* I guess everyone is different and different things might work for each person. You said you were there for her to hold her and comfort her, etc. but it took her dad to explain it too her and calm her down. Now, she may see you two in totaly different ways, you, the BF are there just to do what you did, and if you took on a more "parental" role is she going to accept that? The same as if her father tried to comfort her the same way you do, she maybe wouldn't react to that. It may be just a matter of each person having their own role. You could try it once and see, but if it didn't work, or she got more upset, I'd not do it again. And honestly now as I think about it....I have different people in my life that I get different types of comfort from and I would never like them to mix it up, One thing about us BP'ers we tend to not like "change" very much.
Cool thank you for that kat,
I tried it and it did work for a little bit but then she started to cry again so i dont think that worked so i think that i will try to do that anymore. The only thing is she hates going to her parents for any problems and hates to talk to them, instead she usually tries to go to me but some days I just cant help it seems like but one thing is for sure, I will never give up on her. She really doesnt have any friends and that is a major issue that she has and she doesnt really open herself up to anyone. So i'm not really sure how to get her to have more friends. But i guess my real question is does being close to friends and family better then being attached to her bf for almost all of her issues?
I don't have an answer to that question....BUT I do have an observation, do not try and force her to make more friends, it is not easy to make friends or keep friends for that matter when your BiPolar. People are easy to judge, i think the longer you're with her you'll see that. So unless she's out making friends on her own...don't press it.
Thanks for telling me about that. That's acctually going to help me a ton. She sometimes doesn't open up but I know that once someone sees her for who she is then she will have a ton of friends. Thank you for all of ur help. I was talking to my gf so she might be posting soon. So if I don't talk for a while thanks I hope everything goes well with u
Just to add from my own experience, should the two of you marry, your relationship will change again. Then it would be appropriate for you to use the method her dad used - except you will also have to be the one to hold her and let her cry. (That usually comes first - letting out the emotions - then there is some capability to follow reason and be aided by it. Is it possible you tried to do it in the reverse order when you tried it and it didn't seem to work?)
I think it was marvelous that you were welcomed in enough to be able to witness how her dad helps, and that you saw it as an opportunity to learn how to help. Sometimes it is scary to let others know how you are and what helps and that you have to go to others for it. (After all, letting your best friend or boy friend know that they really aren't the whole world is letting them down, somehow.)
Thank you soooooo much for that post 4kidsmom, cause yea thing might start rolling that way by the end of the year. Her an I have already talked about it and she doesn't know exactly when but I kinda have an idea. And yea she is comforitable with me, her fam is too cause I have also been there to get to really know them too.