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Old 03-17-2009, 11:52 AM   #1
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khwaggoner HB User
Unhappy Please read- need feedback

I am new to message boards so I am uncertain of the correct approach or etiquette. I am honestly just desperate to make contact with other people who understand how painful (and interesting!) the disorder can be.

A little about me: I was diagnosed at 19 and am now 25. I have been hospitalized around 10 times. I suffered depression for the first time when I was 13. I have not really had "happy" manias but I have had delusions of grandeur and sleeplessness. My story is long and chaotic.

Currently I am struggling with feelings of isolation and alienation. I desperately need to make some new friends. I feel paralyzed when it comes to daily tasks. I really need to find some support,

I am intrigued by the PM thing. Please PM me if you would like an open minded and compassionate person to hear your story.

 
Old 03-17-2009, 12:12 PM   #2
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bfbipolar HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Man that's way too harsh to here that u feel alienated but remember here there are always people who care. I'm not bipolar but my gf is, but I think that I know a little bit about it and I might be able to help. Here I know that the people are really cool and really open to new people. I just joined the other day and already the people here have helped me out so much on how to be there for my gf in a better way.I hope that posting here helps you with what you are experiencing right now

 
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Old 03-17-2009, 03:40 PM   #3
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Glorija HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Hi!

I'm also quite new here and the same age and the same diagnoses as you.
Please, do share some more about you or if you want pm me, i would like to connect with someone who knows what it's like and maybe focusing the same expectations and difficulty in satisfying it.

I don't know, I also feel like i'm hibernating and am afraid once i wake up many of the people i care about will be gone. Also feel bad about abandoning them, not being interested and all that just cuz my brain doesn't work as it should.
I know it's not me, I know how I used to be, still can separate this illness from who i really am, if you know what I mean...

Ok, I could say more, but feel like i talked to much already bout myself in general on the board.

 
Old 03-17-2009, 03:58 PM   #4
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Re: Please read- need feedback

KHwaggoner,

Welcome to the Board. We try to be of help in a positive way and support anyone that wishes it. There are lots of great folks here, and I'm sure you'll meet someone that has the same problems and symptoms as you in common. It's kinda like a BP buddy. *s* Feel free to post all you like, talk, vent, ask questions, offer advice, whatever we'll take it.

kat

 
Old 03-17-2009, 04:06 PM   #5
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caitlin122 HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Hi Glorija and khwaggoner~
I'm fairly new here too, and have found everyone here so helpful and nice. I have only been posting for about a week and I feel very comfortable already. To be honest, sometimes even just posting can be therapeutic. It really helps to connect with people who understand you and what you are going through. Being able to talk with people who experience what you experience is a helpful tool to aid in battling this disorder. We are all here to support each other and help each other. Welcome! Anytime you want to talk post or feel free to PM me.

 
Old 03-17-2009, 11:51 PM   #6
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Glorija HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

I couldn't sleep, went to at 2 am, woke up at 6 am, feel so wrong leading this kind of life, can't get out of this vicious circle of blaming myself not being who i'm supposed to be, figuring out what that actually is and then again not doing anything that would make me feel better.

I haven't seen my pdoc in a while, continue to take this medication he last prescribed, i know this is all wrong, i just can't make myself do stuff.

Feel so sick, have headaches, chronic gastritis,my bones hurt, insomnia whenever i'm not depressed and sometimes when i am, like now...

Can't believe i'm so young feeling so so old. and can't make myself eat well or go to sleep at reasonable hour, how could i manage everything else.

i could go on another pill and for how long? all they do is make me hipomanic for a while,where i can't eat or sleep at all, so eventually i have to get off them or they just stpo woring after a while.

i now there are stuff i can do, but somehow it all seems too tough.
hope it gets better. i should take this exam in a week, don't study at all, and it stresses me too much...

 
Old 03-18-2009, 05:34 AM   #7
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puffy1 HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Try each day to do one task that helps you...I think seeing your Dr. again may help, let me know how it goes..
Life is what you make it
Life is just what you want it to be
Be wise with your choice
You only have one life

 
Old 03-18-2009, 05:46 AM   #8
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Re: Please read- need feedback

Gloria,

I am so sorry that you are having such a very hard time right now, I know how much that sucks and brings you down even more. I promise it can get better.

Calling your pdoc might be a good first step in making it get better. I know changing meds is frustrating, trust me, *s* I'm the med change queen over the past 3 or 4 months, but you can get to that cocktail that works, it is out there and it will allow you to live more of a stable life. But you do have to take that first step which is to call and make an appt. with your pdoc.

Let us know what you decide to do and how you're doing, 'kay?

Sending good thoughts your way.....

kat

 
Old 03-18-2009, 01:41 PM   #9
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Glorija HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Thnx, Kat.

I'm so bad at making decisions right now, can't even figure out if I should eat or not, today I was on a triple dose of clonasepam so slept all day. my parents should come to help me move out, can't even decide which day that should be, guess i'd have to give up the exam and focus again on how to establish normal functioning at all.
But i've tried that so many times before and as more i trust meds more i do nothing myself and stand in this same place for 2 years now.
I mean, I've done things, hung out with friends, worked this and that to earn living, danced which is something i enjoy, but really self actualizing is what i need and can't deal with at all and i don't know anymore is it depression or maybe i'm stupid and not capable to graduate college which most of the time and can't accept since everything i've done so far, though being highly depressed is against that theory.
But what does it all matter why if again I do nothing. I'm trying to figure out what to do.
Must must call my pdoc, although I don't like the relationship i've established with him in the past 3 years. He's ok and compassionate and patient but don't really think he knows me at all and isn't really interested in getting to, or at least it seems so. And he's the best at the field of affective disorders, although i think he focuses to much on the meds and i always felt cognitive behavioral therapy could help me more, besides meds of course.

So I guess i'll call my pdoc tomorrow and try to contact another therapist that suggested cb for me 2 years ago...
And go easy on myself for a while...again...a hate feeling so weak.

Last edited by Glorija; 03-18-2009 at 01:46 PM.

 
Old 03-18-2009, 01:58 PM   #10
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Re: Please read- need feedback

Gloria,

You Are Not Stupid, you have gotten this far in College and you'll be able to finish someday, it may not be now, but that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. This disease doesn't always let us go on a standard schedule but that doesn't mean your stupid, or that you've given up. You are also trying even though it may not feel like it, you're being proactive and making plans to help yourself and that is really good progress. Seeing your pdoc is good, and making plans to see a new one is really good. It sounds like CBT and not just meds is what you prefer and it would probably work much better for you because you can wrap your head around it and be more comfortable working with it.

You will be okay, things will be okay, it may take some time, but it'll get there.

(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

kat

 
Old 03-19-2009, 11:03 AM   #11
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Bunnylover HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

Welcome, I've found this to be a very supportive place. And you're right about bipolar being isolating, particularly if you find, like me, that you can't tell very many people in real life what's going on. That makes me feel like there's a whole major part of my life almost no one knows about.

 
Old 03-19-2009, 02:43 PM   #12
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Re: Please read- need feedback

Bunny,

How are you doing these days, we've not heard from you much?

kat

 
Old 03-20-2009, 05:54 AM   #13
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Bunnylover HB User
Re: Please read- need feedback

I'm good, just insanely busy with work right now--DH and I are taking a vacation (our first since we got married) in a week, and I'm frantically trying to get all this stuff done.

Thanks for asking, bipolar is well in hand (for the time being anyway), so I'm not around much, although I do try to chime in if I can be helpful.

 
Old 03-20-2009, 11:26 PM   #14
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Re: Please read- need feedback

do any of you have

Last edited by momofbipolarkid; 03-20-2009 at 11:30 PM. Reason: want to change how I wrote it

 
Old 03-21-2009, 10:29 PM   #15
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Re: Please read- need feedback

mom of BP kid,

Do any of us have what?

kat

 
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