Is It Possible to Experience Mania without Depression?
Hi everyone! I'm new to this board, although I post a lot on the relationship forum. I had an interesting thing happen today, and I wanted a little insight about it.
I was sitting in the library of my college today doing some homework with a friend. We started talking about graduate schools, and I decided to check out the websites of some schools that I'm interested in. First, I found a program close to home that I could apply to and which would be somewhat affordable. Then, I was looking at a website for the University of South Carolina, and I found an entire department full of graduate students studying all of the topics that really fascinate and excite me. I also found a professor at the University of Southern Illinois who teaches a course on an obscure but really interesting topic, and I didn't expect that I would ever find a course like that out there. I began imagining the possibilities for my future if I were able to study and work with any of these people. It felt really cool knowing there were others out there who had the same academic interests as me.
Next, I began thinking about how far I could go in my career field with a graduate degree from one of these places. And I started thinking about this project I came up with a few weeks ago. I won't go into the details, but it would be an enormous undertaking, with hopefully lots of government funding, that could change the way our government operates at all levels. The possibilities seemed incredible! I imagined myself becoming one of the greatest and most well-known scientists in my field someday.
Then I started imagining even greater possibilities for my life. I recently started working out. Today, I felt like nothing in the world could stop me or deter me. I felt like, if I keep focusing on it, I could have the ultimate human body. I'm actually a little overweight right now, but I just felt like, now that I've started working out, nothing can stop me. I felt invincible.
My mind was racing. My thoughts were jumbled up into a dozen things at once. I couldn't focus at all on the homework I was supposed to be doing. I really wanted to call one of my friends or my parents and tell them how I was feeling, and talk about the idea I had for that government project, but I felt like no one would understand it. I felt like no one was capable of understanding it, like the sheer concept would just blow their minds. My sister called me, and I had trouble talking to her without giggling. I felt, like, giddy. For a minute, I was actually jumping up and down.
And for a brief period, I started feeling like a god. I mean, not that I really felt completely like a god, but I felt like I could become the greatest person on earth. I felt like I could achieve perfection in every area of my life. I was reminded of Nietsche's concept of the "Ubermensch", an evolved human who is superior to modern humans. I began wondering if that was me. I felt like I could become superior to everyone else in the world.
These feelings lasted for about two or three hours. And they scared me. I was completely unproductive in that time, and I was having the strangest thoughts. I have felt this way before, but it was months ago. I was very hyper one night, to the point where I couldn't sit still. I tried to play a football video game with my roommate, but I lost miserably because I couldn't focus on the game one bit.
Once the feelings subsided, I looked up mania and bipolar disorder online. The symptoms of mania or hypomania seemed to match what I was feeling, but the websites all seemed to say that manic periods should last about a week. Mine pretty much subsided after three hours (although I still feel a little high). And what's more, I don't think I have any depression symptoms at all...
Oh, wait a minute. I forgot, I was feeling down a few days ago. I think it was Thursday or Friday. But those feelings didn't last very long. And I don't know if I would really say I was depressed or anything, it just felt like I was having a bad day and I was a little blue. The last time I felt really depressed for several days was in late January, but that passed, and I've felt fine since then.
Ok, sorry for writing a novel, but could I have had a manic episode without any depression? Is that what this sounds like? Or could it be something else? Any thoughts?