Well I just got back from the pdoc's office. The morning did not start out well. I didn't sleep until 4:45 and in between that time and 6:30 when I got up to get son off to school I awoke no less than 8 times. I feel like I just want to crawl in a very deep hole and never come out. I'm so tired of being this tired and this depressed, I just dont' have it in me to go on much longer. On top of things son is home sick today.
Pdoc appt went about as well as I thought it would. I had to answer lots of questions about the state of suicidal depression I've been in, it was not fun. Don't get me wrong I love my pdoc and he is very caring and compassionate, but having to admit to making plans and lists makes me feel like such a waste of air and space, I feel like I don't deserve to take up his time, and I tell him such and he always reassures me the opposite, but ... well I dont' know, sometimes I dont' even know how I feel anymore. He really tried to get me to agree to go IP, but I just can't right now. I have to be here to try and take care of my son, can't let him be stuck at his dad's, even though I'm not out of bed much, it's better than exposing him to all the crap that goes on there. I know the docs don't understand but I have to try and get control of myself, or as they say, "be my own parent" and stay at home and monitor my safety for now. I've promised both my tdoc and pdoc that i will call them if anything drastic begins to happen as far self injury or suicidal intentions go. And now of course it's back to seeing both every week. He also added Wellbutrin SR to meds and Klonopin back. So, more med changes, but I know the Klonopin will help with the sleep and hopefully the Wellbutrin SR will help with the depression, am keeping fingers crossed. Well that's about it for now, i'm going to try and lay down for a bit as i'm exhausted and feel like crap, I'll see everyone later.
Thanks for the update Kat. I'm glad your not IP at this point. We will all be here to support you through this so you can try your best to stay home. Try and get some good rest today, and that will help to have things look brighter. Hang in there hun! We are all here for you.
awww Katlin,
I'm sure when you get some rest you'll feel at least a little better and maybe be able to think on the postive side. If this last much longer then you may have to let him stay at his dad's so that you can get better. I'm sure he had rather have you there with him in a week or so, than to not have you at all. Take care of yourself!! Hopefully though these new med's will help get you out of this funk your in.
My pdoc appt is at 11:15 so I better get off here and get ready. I'll be back in little while hopefully you will still be resting!!
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Jenay
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Thanks guys, I don't know what i'd do without all of your support. I slept from 10:30ish to 2:30 just in time to go to a teachers conference at Nick's school. so now I'm back and back in bed because I feel tired all over again. but plan to try and read around some and see what everyone else is up to.
I hope that the new meds will start working for you and that you get better. I used to take clonazepam(klonopin) about a month ago for my insomnia and it really helped for clearing my thoughts in my head.So it did partially help me sleep.
He put me back on teh Klonopin to augment the Buspar but my times to take it are mid-day and around 8 at night, so it will probably have an added sleep help side effect or not, none of these meds tend to help me sleep much.
I was just mentally and physically exhausted and ended up having to call my pdoc and tdoc at different times yesteryday afternoon at different times and fell asleep around 8:00p.m. and didn't wake up until this morniig. It' sjust too much right now and I'm really suffereing with all of it.
I was just mentally and physically exhausted and ended up having to call my pdoc and tdoc at different times yesteryday afternoon at different times and fell asleep around 8:00p.m. and didn't wake up until this morniig. It' sjust too much right now and I'm really suffereing with all of it.
hi Kat,
glad to hear you got such good sleep. it makes such a difference. not getting whole lot at the moment though klonopin helps as does xanax. i have found both better than sleeping pills because they reduce anxiety enough to get some sleep.
glad to hear you got such good sleep. it makes such a difference. not getting whole lot at the moment though klonopin helps as does xanax. i have found both better than sleeping pills because they reduce anxiety enough to get some sleep.
hope you are doing ok??
iw.
'Bout the same, just staying in bed with the cat. I'll try and get down to the mailbax later, we'll see. I read your last piece it was very good as was all the others. Living with Suicidal Need was still my favorite. Hope you're doing better today. Glad that S.O.B. pdoc managed to call altough it seemed all he was worried about was the lit pieces.
I'm sorry your son had to go. Hope things improve soon.
He'll have a blast there, lots of fishing, which is his passion in life, and bonfires and wienie roasts. his dad always makes everytig super fun, then he has to come home to all the rules, no junk food and chores and "mean mom" stufff.
My husband just never matured past the age of 12....in this economy he got mad at his boss for some trivial reason the other day and quit his job. he acts more like one of my sons, than a man...and his drinking doesn't help...thus me leaving. My 19 yr old watches my youngster when he's there that's the only reason I let him go.
