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Old 04-15-2009, 12:37 PM   #1
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lilyj44 HB User
Unhappy I believe I might have bipolar disorder or depression but don't know what to do

Hi. My name is Lily and I am a 20 year old college student. Most people classify me as a happy outgoing person who talks constantly and loves to laugh and make jokes...but thats because i never show my depressive side. There are times during the month that I get so sad and I cry. No one sees me cry except I do call my parents sometimes but I hate making them worried. I have thoughts of death during these times but I dont reveal that to my mother. I have also been getting these really painful back pains. I have bouts of insomnia and then days when I can't stop sleeping. It's been effecting my school work recently.

I never really put all my symptoms together until recently and now I think I might have bipolar disorder. The thing is I don't know how to seek out help. I dont want my parents to worry. I feel embarrassed that I might be bipolar or have chronic depression. I don't know where to turn to for help. There is a counseling center on campus but I go to a REALLY small school and dont feel comfortable going there because I don't want anyone to find out. Please help.

 
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Old 04-15-2009, 08:16 PM   #2
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wyowyome HB User
Re: I believe I might have bipolar disorder or depression but don't know what to do

Sounds like you are already taking a great first step in helping yourself. Find a mental health center in town (off campus). You might have to pay out of hand if you don't want it on your parents insurance (assuming you are on theirs), but ask the center- they will have payment plans or other options. This will all be confidential. Talk to someone who can prescribe meds for you if necessary.
I am glad for you that you recognize there IS a problem! So many people are mentally ill and never even know it... They just think life has to be "like this". Take care of yourself now and you will make your future brighter. I won't promise you'll get rid of the symtoms forever, but you will become better at recognizing flare-ups. You'll also have a few ideas how to recover quickly, and somewhere to turn if you find no relief. Good luck to you on this journey. I'm sure you will find understanding here.

 
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:35 PM   #3
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lindy77077 HB User
Re: I believe I might have bipolar disorder or depression but don't know what to do

Hi lilyj, I wish I did what you are doing when I was 20 (or younger) and that is reach out and ask questions to deal with what you are going through, thinking and feeling. I'm 36 now and thinking of the course of my life, I always had depression, at times quite severe but was afraid to talk about it with anyone including my parents. I remember as a little kid crying so hard in my bedroom wanting to go and tell my parents but I couldn't. When I was 15, I tried to commit suicide, was unsuccessful (thankfully) but still never sought help. When I went to university, my doctor on campus queried depression but I denied it and denied it until after I graduated and continued to do so with my new doctor. Ten years ago is when I first talked to my doctor about what I was feeling and it's been an uphill battle since but you know what? It's been a good one from the perspective that I have a good medical "team" (I call them team) in place and am now diagnosed with bipolar II and PTSD and feel I have the right diagnosis. I just talked to my parents about it in December of 2008 - and they still don't know everything. Talk to whomever you feel comfortable talking to (that's key), I just encourage you to do so, it will help you and you'll start to develop a support base for yourself you'll be able to count on.

 
Old 04-19-2009, 09:10 PM   #4
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dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I believe I might have bipolar disorder or depression but don't know what to do

Welcome to the board.

I was diagnosed with BPI 3 years ago. It took me a year to accept my diagnosis. During that time, I experienced alot of embarrassment and shame, but eventually I learned to accept my bipolar for what it is. I now look at it as being just another part of who I am.

No one should feel ashamed to have mental illness. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain that requires meds.

Don't let embarrassment prevent you from getting help. The sooner you ask for help, the sooner you can start to feel better.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 04-19-2009, 09:24 PM   #5
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hopetofeelwell1 HB User
Re: I believe I might have bipolar disorder or depression but don't know what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyj44 View Post
Hi. My name is Lily and I am a 20 year old college student. Most people classify me as a happy outgoing person who talks constantly and loves to laugh and make jokes...but thats because i never show my depressive side. There are times during the month that I get so sad and I cry. No one sees me cry except I do call my parents sometimes but I hate making them worried. I have thoughts of death during these times but I dont reveal that to my mother. I have also been getting these really painful back pains. I have bouts of insomnia and then days when I can't stop sleeping. It's been effecting my school work recently.

I never really put all my symptoms together until recently and now I think I might have bipolar disorder. The thing is I don't know how to seek out help. I dont want my parents to worry. I feel embarrassed that I might be bipolar or have chronic depression. I don't know where to turn to for help. There is a counseling center on campus but I go to a REALLY small school and dont feel comfortable going there because I don't want anyone to find out. Please help.
Hi Lily! Welcome to the board! I just wanted to ask you about the statement that you've written regarding sometimes during the month that you feel like crying. Have you been to a good gynecologist in the past few months? I do remember myself at that age laughing on the outside and crying on the inside and alot of the time it would coincide with my monthly period. I also would complain of low back pain at that time. I swear at that time if they had called it premenstrual disorder or PMDD I would have believed it. My monthly moods were very foul at that time. I eventually had further women's issues and a complete hysterectomy. That's not to say that bipolar perhaps isn't what's ailing you, but there is a huge mind-body connection. Perhaps a check with the gynecologist as well as a mental health professional would do the trick and have each doctor keep in contact with the other. It's just my two cents but I remember what it was like over 30 years ago and at least now you can avail yourself of good professionals. God bless and take care--Hopeto--

 
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