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Old 04-16-2009, 01:54 AM   #1
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Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

Has anyone had experience in being in a manic phase for a fairly long time that then goes normal for a small time and then drops into deep depression? That is where I have been and now it looks like we may finally have a med combo working on getting me out of depression as I rate myself for my pdoc a 4/10,so we increased my antidepressant slightly today but I still would prefer to just lay in bed with the covers over my head when I can and I'm still having strong SI (just a little chicken). Would be curious if anyone has been like this before?

 
Old 04-16-2009, 02:16 AM   #2
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigger5150 View Post
Has anyone had experience in being in a manic phase for a fairly long time that then goes normal for a small time and then drops into deep depression? That is where I have been and now it looks like we may finally have a med combo working on getting me out of depression as I rate myself for my pdoc a 4/10,so we increased my antidepressant slightly today but I still would prefer to just lay in bed with the covers over my head when I can and I'm still having strong SI (just a little chicken). Would be curious if anyone has been like this before?
Yes, manic for quite a while but didn't really realise it until i noticed four jackets (which i don't even wear) and four coats i don't even remember buying in my closet!! then normal for a little while, then depression seemed to hit out of the blue this time (about a year and a half ago) longest time ever and med combos not working yet. added seroquel to the list last night and i'll see how it goes. spend a lot of time in bed just to kill the hours of the day and find it v. difficult to leave the house.

Last edited by irishwriter; 04-16-2009 at 02:16 AM.

 
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Old 04-16-2009, 06:54 AM   #3
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

I experienced that many times,and it feels like an emotional rollercoaster as well as it being confusing.I have the feeling of "crawling out of my skin",and when that occurs I'm going to want to self mutilate.I'm also on a few different medications;Depakote ER,Zyprexa,and Prozac.I'm comming off the Depakote ER because it's giving me tremors and the "nervouse feeling" most times,I've turned into a freak of nature heh Sometimes I wonder if my pdoc actrualy knows what the hell she's doing,or if she's in it for the money.Who knows really,I kind of took it in my own hands this time around.
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Old 04-16-2009, 10:03 AM   #4
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigger5150 View Post
Has anyone had experience in being in a manic phase for a fairly long time that then goes normal for a small time and then drops into deep depression? That is where I have been and now it looks like we may finally have a med combo working on getting me out of depression as I rate myself for my pdoc a 4/10,so we increased my antidepressant slightly today but I still would prefer to just lay in bed with the covers over my head when I can and I'm still having strong SI (just a little chicken). Would be curious if anyone has been like this before?
hey tigger, i am sad to say that i know exactly what you're going through as i am in the same state..also seem to be improving when we evaluate things at pdoc appointments, but something my pdoc said to me today is that often when we are in a depressed state, our memory of any good days during that period gets clouded by the depressive mood, so I went straight home and read my mood diary with new perspective and found that I could actually recognise the good days (and there were quite a few) during the last couple of weeks and I tried to focus on those..feeling little better now, like there is hope and the sun will shine again tomorrow hope this helps you somewhat...hang in there, it can only get better right?!!!...blue

 
Old 04-16-2009, 04:48 PM   #5
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

As bluegreensky said " when we are in a depressed state, our memory of any good days during that period gets clouded by the depressive mood "

I find it really hard at times to be objective when analyzing myself so thoroughly. Then I over analyze and lose in the day to day experience of life because of all the mental and emotional energy I'm spending trying to figure this brain out!

What you described is always my cycle because I hate the fact that I cant be "just a little manic" and keep up that energetic, confident self I love so much. So then I start hating the things about this new self I have to live with- and go deeper down since there is no hope of ever being as happy & fullfilled as I was when I was a functioning hypomanic.

 
Old 04-16-2009, 05:52 PM   #6
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

sometimes I wish I could have a manic episode....but alas for me it's only the deeply depressed states, so I don't get to experience what you'e referring to, but I'm sorry that you guys are having to g through these tough times.

kat

 
Old 04-16-2009, 08:28 PM   #7
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

Thanks 'blue' and evangeline.... that helped me associate a little more with what my pdoc said... I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I see the good in some of my days but others I just see the depressed.

Thanks!!!

 
Old 04-17-2009, 02:14 AM   #8
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

Quote:
Originally Posted by tigger5150 View Post
Thanks 'blue' and evangeline.... that helped me associate a little more with what my pdoc said... I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I see the good in some of my days but others I just see the depressed.

Thanks!!!
Tigger, how do you see the good in days? i had one good day last year so for me the depression is one big blur of sh and avoidance of people. seroquel helped last night in getting a good night's sleep so i do feel a little better today after weeks of three and four hours/night. glad you can see the good.

iw

 
Old 04-17-2009, 03:37 AM   #9
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Re: Lost Sight of What "Normal" Is

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Originally Posted by irishwriter View Post
Tigger, how do you see the good in days? i had one good day last year so for me the depression is one big blur of sh and avoidance of people. seroquel helped last night in getting a good night's sleep so i do feel a little better today after weeks of three and four hours/night. glad you can see the good.

iw
I go back and look what I did.... was fun? For example my husband works rotating shifts so often especially lately I haven't been able to spend much time with him, so merely going out to breakfast wiith him before he goes to work if he is working in the afternoon will be enjoyable for that small amount of time - but then often I come home and despite that small bit of happiness I'm back in bed which is pretty much what I did this past weekend which was a four day weekend for me for the holidays. I would say I spent 85% in bed, the only day I showered was Saturday and was that way until Tuesday when I HAD to get up to go to work. So really I just try to find the small things to be happy about at the moment as the depression just takes over so much and I can remember my manic/hypomanic times and I get angry as I want some of those feelings back.

 
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