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Old 04-27-2009, 01:45 PM   #1
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bfbipolar HB User
Need some help with my gf

Hey,

I was helping my gf when she was crying but I need a little bit of help. She was upset that she will have to take pills for the rest of her life but I tried to comfort her and tell her that everyone takes pills so she actually is normal and that she never has to worry cause I'll always take pills too (I take vitamins to show my support for taking pills). But she still was upset and I've tried to help her with this a couple of times but I'm still having trouble with making her feel better.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 02:00 PM   #2
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Re: Need some help with my gf

Have you tried to get her to come on this board herself? Maybe if she talks to those of us who have the same types of problems, she'll see that she's not alone in all of this. Not that you aren't great in supporting her, that is totally awesome, because not all boyfriends are like that. But sometimes it's easier to be around people like you. We'd be glad to welcome her here.

Other than that, just keep doing what your doing, be there for her, love her and don't let it get to you when she has her bad times. you'll need to ******** your stress, but make sure you do it well away from her.

kat

Last edited by katlin09; 04-27-2009 at 02:01 PM.

 
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Old 04-27-2009, 02:11 PM   #3
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Re: Need some help with my gf

I keep told her about it but she actually never set it up. I've almost gotten her to but I dont think that she did. I believe that she isn't really comfortable with posting on these sites. But there were also some other issues there but I think that I'm getting her better and helping her see that these boards are good.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 06:33 PM   #4
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Re: Need some help with my gf

You're trying really hard to do the right thing, which is admirable. But what I needed from my husband was not empty consolation--I'm sorry, but voluntarily taking vitamins is not at all comparable to having to take serious medications for the rest of your life to function semi-normally. You need to let her grieve the life she thought she would have and has lost (a life without bipolar and medication), and come to peace with that in her own time and in her own way. I needed him to give me space to feel what I was feeling and to talk about it, without telling me it was fine, or diminishing what I was experiencing.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 07:04 PM   #5
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Re: Need some help with my gf

my fiancee has to take pills too. He has PTSD. he has to take pills for the rest of his life to control his mood. When he told me about that I took it normal and when I moved out to his house i even give him this pill every single day when we woke up in the morning. He looked fine taking them. Once day we argued and he wrote me a letter saying how hard it was for him taking these pills. That the reason he take them was because he knew i wanted him to take it, because it was the only way to control the stress and for us to be ok. Anyway, the point is that taking this pill everyday for a disorder like this seems to make him feel "different" in some way, for me it was normal and acceptable but for him it was depressive sometimes. I tried to make my fiancee understand that I dont care about those pills or his problem because I love him and that's all that matters, but sometimes he even didn't take them or tried to make me believe that he doesn't need them that he can control himseld without medication so I just said ok, i dont argue with him about that.
About your gf you know we woman are more emotional and probably this situation is affecting her more. But i recomend you everytime she starts talking about that try to change the conversation, tell her how much you love her, also tell her what you like about her, and why do you love her (i always tell my fiancee how good he is for soccer and that makes him feel good). Try to make different things to keep her away from her thoughts.... iMaybe at the beginning may be difficult but I know she will get used to it.
Based on my experienced when I talked to my couple about my personal problems it doesn't matter if you guys say something or not... for me a hug and a kiss in my head is more than enough to make me feel understood and to know that the person I love is always by my side... hope she feels better

Last edited by brunedaugher; 04-27-2009 at 07:15 PM.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:01 PM   #6
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Re: Need some help with my gf

You're doing a really good thing for her by showing support. Sometimes though no matter what you say it won't make a difference to her. She has to accept this on her own, in her own time. I had a problem when I realized I would have to take pills for the rest of my life. I was so upset at first, I felt like a failure, and I cried endlessly about it too. But once I accepted it, and saw how much they do for me, I'm okay with it now. She may even go through periods of coming off her meds to try and do it on her. She needs to figure in her own way how important those pills are to helping us lead productive and happy lives. I think everything you're doing is the right thing. Unfortunatley I don't think there is anymore you can do. It has to run it's course, and as she progresses through this disease, all of her experiences will bring her to acceptance of taking meds the rest of her life. Explain to her too, that if she had something else wrong with her, say high blood pressure, she would probably have no problem taking meds for her health. It's different in her mind because it's mental illness. Give her the analogy of a medical condition and meds, and she may see it in a different light. Taking psych meds is fixing the chemical imbalance in her brain, just like taking insulin to fix the chemical imbalance with the blood sugar. I hope this helps, and hang in there. You're a great guy. Sometimes you just need to let her cry, and eventually things will be okay.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:24 PM   #7
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Re: Need some help with my gf

Caitlin's post was spot on, i don't think we could have explained it better if we tried.

k

 
Old 04-27-2009, 08:25 PM   #8
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Re: Need some help with my gf

Quote:
Originally Posted by katlin09 View Post
Caitlin's post was spot on, i don't think we could have explained it better if we tried.

k
Thanks girl! What he is explaining was exactly what I went through. And I know at that time, nothing anyone said to me helped. I had to get through it on my own. One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like and knowing that no one can help me. It sucks, but we all must go through it at some point or another with certain situations.

 
Old 04-27-2009, 09:19 PM   #9
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bfbipolar HB User
Re: Need some help with my gf

Thanks u guys, I will most def keep listening to her. I just wanted to make sure that was the way to go. I have realized that there are just a small amount of things that it helps if I guide her but the majority I need to let it run its course. I know that she is very strong but she is under so much stress and I want to make sure that I'm doing what I can to help her so thank you again :-)

 
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