Hello People.... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

clarebear2 · 05-03-2009, 01:11 PM

Hi all,

Just found this site and registered. Dont really know what to say, or how to explain myself, but here goes.....

Im just an average 24 year old, I have an amazing family, boyfriend and circle of friends, but something is just not right.

I read all the things about bipolar, and no word of exaggeration, it is just like reading about myself, every feeling, every action, down to a tee.

I have been previously prescribed medication for general depression, but never stood up and said - Wait a minute, I feel NO BETTER! So, stopped medication and just struggled along.

I do the most bizarre things. Sometimes I get an idea into my head that I have to do there and then (within reason), and if I dont, I dwell on it, and feel disappointed in myself. A couple of hours later, I think it was the most ridiculous thing ever, and actually laugh at myself. I have no patience, and cant sit still, I have to be doing something ALL the time when I am feeling relitavely happy, I think it is the fear of stopping and starting to feel depressed again.

When Im depressed I dont want to do all the normal every day things, like get in the shower, cook myself any food (and I LOVE cooking), even down to things like putting my rubbish out for the next day because I just dont want to leave the house.

Can anybody relate to any of this, and point me in any direction, I just cant go on like this, its affecting my relationship, as I cant talk to him about it, I dont think he would get it, and its affecting my social life, as I go through times of not even wanting to reply to texts or pick up the phone.

If anyone can offer the tiniest bit of advice it would be much appreciated.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks in anticipation.

xx

katlin09 · 05-03-2009, 03:52 PM

Clarebear,

First of all Welcome to out little corner of the world. I'm not a doctor but my first suggestion is going to be one that I'm finding out through reading posts from many people in Europe is not quite so easy but.....if you think you could seriously be BiPolar the first step would be to go to a Psychiatrist for an evaluation. Once that step is taken then a course of treatment can be decided upon such as meds. alone, meds and therapy, etc. One thing you should know, there is no "quick fix" to this disorder. Once meds are decided on, they may frequently have to be changed or tweaked until you find that right combo or "cocktail" as we say.

I have BP II w/severe med resistant suicidal depression, I was dx'd 20 yrs. ago and also have borderline personality diorder, PTSD, OCD, and SH/SI. I take a total of 8 meds for my BiPolar and frequently have to change/tweak meds since I stay pretty med resistant. I persoanally believe that the best course of treatment for BiPolar is medication and therapy. I have a Psychiatrist (pdoc) and a Psychologist (tdoc), I see my pdoc every 2 weeks for med management and therapy and my tdoc every week for just therapy.

Another thing I'd like to touch on is that you said you can't tell your Boyfriend? Husband? about this because he woulodn't understand...you need to realize that if indeed you do have BiPolar this is a life time disease, it cannot be cured or fixed. So at sometime your partner is going to have to deal with it one way or the other. Even if you get on meds and go to therapy, stability is not guaranteed and generally is not attainable 100% of the time. I'm lucky if I can stay stable 50% of the time, but my case is a bit more complicated. These are just some facts I thought I should mentioin because the more support you have the easier it is to deal with this, it's not something that is easy to deal with especially if you have no support system.

Good luck and I hope you're able to get a psych eval soon.

kat

dreams in neon · 05-03-2009, 05:02 PM

Clarebear,

If you do in fact have bipolar, know that there is hope of feeling better on meds.

I have atypical bipolar 1 with ultradian rapid cycling. Ultradian rapid cycling means that my moods change every hour and sometimes every minute.

My bipolar falls more on the manic side except during the autumn/winter months when I feel suicidally depressed 80% of the time.

I've been unstable for the past 1.5 years due to an inattentive pdoc, but I'm now working with a wonderful pdoc who takes my treatment seriously and put me on a new med regimen that consists of three mood stabilizers, one antipsychotic, one anti-depressant and one benzo.

Note that if you have bipolar, you may be on fewer meds. The number of meds one takes doesn't matter as long as the combination works for you. Some people take only one med while others take more.

I've been doing very well lately although today I feel tired, manic and depressed.

There will always be some bumps in the road when it comes to bipolar, but if you're on an appropriate med combo, you can enjoy life without constantly feeling manic or severely depressed.

wilkdawg · 05-04-2009, 11:31 AM

Clarebear,

Rest assured, just as reading about bipolar made you feel like you were reading about yourself, so did reading your story feel like I was reading my own. And Im sure anyone else on here who read it felt the same way. I feel that there is no such thing as normal, only a collective hunch that most people align themselves with in order to obtain an elusive feeling they call 'normal'. Most if not all of the traits we experience in our respective conditions appear in everyone in some form or another at some time or another. Those of us with minds that, in their natural state, resist alignment with that collective hunch and therefore clash with the reality created by it. But that reality is ******** no matter how many people call it normal. Trust me. You are alive. Your story and your concerns are as valid as any. You will have to fight through some stigma, some taboo and whatever other ******** stands in the way of feeling well. You will be a survivor. And you will be right at home on these boards. There are survivors of the highest order on this site. Congratulations on making a super smart decision when you posted here!

John