Brain rotting - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Llama · 05-04-2009, 09:50 PM

This is more of a list for myself of what I'm going to tell my pdoc's nurse tomorrow if I get the guts and the right mind to call. (btw I can't sleep, suprise suprise)

1. I know my brain is rotting. This just started recently. I can just see it all black and oozing. I can't shake this image.

2. I am convinced that the pharmacy has been slipping me placebo pills instead of real medications. I am not sure why yet, but I know I should be feeling a lot better than I am now if I were actually getting the real medications.

Has this happened to anyone here before? What did you do about it ?

3. I don't necessarily want to be dead but I don't wanna be around anymore if that makes any sense I am having trouble thinking so I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.

Those are the three main things other than this BAD feeling in my brain. Maybe that is part of the rotting process.

FisforFozzy · 05-04-2009, 10:26 PM

OMG, I've experienced all 3 from your list! I've never heard anyone else have these same concerns. I didn't see my brain as black and oozing, but I felt like it was deteriorating or something---like there must be a big hole in it, or it was dying.

I can't tell you how many times I've asked if I was receiving a placebo. I'm not sure what makes us think this. Just random paranoia? IDK.

And of course, wanting to cease to exist. Gosh, I'm glad that feeling is gone.

If you are experiencing these things, you should totally tell your mental healthcare provider. Please have the courage to call. Nobody should have to feel this way. If I was your pdoc, I would want to know that you are still suffering.

dreams in neon · 05-04-2009, 10:36 PM

Llama,

It may reassure you to know that your pharmacy isn't giving you placebo in place of your meds. If they did, they would face all kinds of liability issues. Your meds may need to be tweaked or perhaps you aren't on the right combo.

As far as the brain is concerned, research has proven that with every manic or hypomanic episode we have, our brain cells are destroyed.

However, the rate at which this occurs is uncertain and many people with bipolar don't seem to be affected given the high correlation between creativity, intelligence and bipolar.

Llama · 05-04-2009, 10:44 PM

FisforFozzy! That's weird that we both have experienced all of those things! For strange! I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this.

And dreams, once again thanks for your great post. You always seem to know just what to say. I still have my suspicions, but I know what you are saying. Can't you sleep either tonight? Sorry if you can't. I guess we're both in the same boat.

dreams in neon · 05-04-2009, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Llama

FisforFozzy! That's weird that we both have experienced all of those things! For strange! I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this.

And dreams, once again thanks for your great post. You always seem to know just what to say. I still have my suspicions, but I know what you are saying. Can't you sleep either tonight? Sorry if you can't. I guess we're both in the same boat.

I'm glad I could help you feel better!

I can't sleep tonight because I'm feeling hypomanic. It all started earlier this evening when I began to feel my mood escalate.

I could take another Clonazepam, but I don't want to because I'm enjoying the way I feel.

Ever since my pdoc prescribed Clonazepam to help control my rapid cycling, I don't feel extremely irritable or severely depressed during a hypomanic episode.

I should try to get some sleep because I have an appointment with my tdoc tomorrow, but I'm enjoying the way I feel far too much. LOL.