If It Isn't One Thing, It's Another *sigh* - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

dreams in neon · 05-10-2009, 12:43 AM

Hi everyone,

I'm starting to rapid cycle again because even after I took a Klonopin to calm down I'm still extremely agitated. My right speech processor for my cochlear implant keeps sounding a battery warning beep every 10 minutes even after I've put in fresh batteries. I'm worried because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I will be without any hearing. I have spare speech processors, but they aren't programmed the same way the processors I'm using now are. If I try to wear my spare speech processors, they are very loud and painful. (I needed to have several electrodes turned off and my spare processors haven't been programmed accordingly.) I'm so angry and frustrated right now. Why can't I make it through one week without having to deal with my health issues or something else that makes me rapid cycle? It doesn't help that tomorrow is Mother's Day. My mother passed away in 2004 from pancreatic cancer, so I'm depressed about that as well. *sigh*

katlin09 · 05-10-2009, 12:55 AM

I'm pretty much in the same boat suckiness wise. I don't know what happen, I was fine up until Wed. morning and I've hardly been able to get out of bed sense. No general onset of Depression, just WHAM like a baseball bat upside the head. Along with that I've had a migrain since Tuesday night that won't let up and my joints in my hips and knees have made it almost inable to walk. I've had to call my ex to take my son to all pract. and games this week, i've missed both games. I didn't have the heart to tell him no to a friend spending the night, luckily it was one of his very well behaved friends and they were very good.

It's 10 of 3:00a.m. and I'm wide awake when i've also taken my 2 klomopin and 3 Trazadone, not to mention my pain meds. It's still stormy here and that's not helping with all the pain, I wish it would just freaking dry out.

As for mother's Day, unfortunately my mother is still alive, but since I'm not allowed to have contact with her for the past year and a half, at least I won't have to send the phoney "what a great mom you are/were" instead of the "I wish I could tie you down and beat you now the way you did me" card...that would almost be worth breaking the rules for.

Oh well nothing changes, you get to feel good for a bit and then bang you get your feet knocked out from under you. I'm sick of it too, but don't have a clue how to make it stop.

k

dreams in neon · 05-10-2009, 01:21 AM

Hopefully my mood will improve after I talk to my pdoc on Monday.

I'm sorry for being such a downer. That isn't my intention. I'm just scared because if something happens to my left cochlear implant, I won't be able to hear. I'm just overwhelmed because of tomorrow (actually, today) being Mother's Day.

I hope my post doesn't bring anyone down and that those of you who will be sharing the day with your mother have a wonderful time. Tell your mother how much she is loved and don't forget to give her a hug as well.

Elf_Ears · 05-10-2009, 06:40 AM

I'm sorry you are both struggling right now.

I hope you are not offended if I say that I will pray for you today. This has been my only help many times. And frankly, I think God really has given me something to hold onto. Just a spark of hope. Once, after weeks of panic attacks and insomnia, I cried out to Him. I needed to know that He existed. So I went outside (after midnight) and said outloud, "If you're there, please show me a sign!" Immediately, A bird at the top of a pine tree began to sing its heart out, and I knew that not only did God exist, but He cared about me.

Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))

dreams in neon · 05-10-2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elf_Ears

I'm sorry you are both struggling right now.

I hope you are not offended if I say that I will pray for you today. This has been my only help many times. And frankly, I think God really has given me something to hold onto. Just a spark of hope. Once, after weeks of panic attacks and insomnia, I cried out to Him. I needed to know that He existed. So I went outside (after midnight) and said outloud, "If you're there, please show me a sign!" Immediately, A bird at the top of a pine tree began to sing its heart out, and I knew that not only did God exist, but He cared about me.

Hugs to both of you - (((Dreams))) (((Kat)))

Thanks for your encouraging post. It's exactly what I needed to read today. I believe in God, but I have a difficult time on holidays. On good days, I look at my bipolar as a challenge from Him and on bad days, I have a very hard time accepting my diagnosis. I'm happy to report that I don't feel as depressed as I did earlier, but I'm trying to take things one minute at a time. I will post again later to let you know how I'm doing. Thanks again. <hugs back> (((Elf)))