I'm so numb. - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

BipolarPrincess · 05-12-2009, 09:50 PM

My depression is so so so bad. I don't even bother to cry anymore, it's not worth it. I isolate, stay in my room with my kitten, and read, and play games online. I feel that there's no medicine that can help me. I feel 'dead' inside. I hate being around my family seeing them happily go about their days productively, as I suffer in silence. I can barely carry on a conversation with them. Why was I put on earth to suffer? My boyfriend wrote this to me in his last letter...

"you're very special in many ways"
1. you make people feel loved
2. you bring the best out of everyone
3. you're very smart
4. your very touch is like an angel
5. you make me crazy in love with you
6. your smile is gold
7. your eyes are heaven

His letters are so encouraging. He loves me and accepts me and says that I WILL GET BETTER.

I have to, for HIM. FOR ME. Is there any hope? I am losing all faith.

dreams in neon · 05-12-2009, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BipolarPrincess

My depression is so so so bad. I don't even bother to cry anymore, it's not worth it. I isolate, stay in my room with my kitten, and read, and play games online. I feel that there's no medicine that can help me. I feel 'dead' inside. I hate being around my family seeing them happily go about their days productively, as I suffer in silence. I can barely carry on a conversation with them. Why was I put on earth to suffer? My boyfriend wrote this to me in his last letter...

"you're very special in many ways"
1. you make people feel loved
2. you bring the best out of everyone
3. you're very smart
4. your very touch is like an angel
5. you make me crazy in love with you
6. your smile is gold
7. your eyes are heaven

His letters are so encouraging. He loves me and accepts me and says that I WILL GET BETTER.

I have to, for HIM. FOR ME. Is there any hope? I am losing all faith.

I can tell you with certainty that there IS hope. I suffered from severe depression in the early 90s (as well as 1995 after I lost my hearing). My pdoc at the time put me on Lithium and Prozac. Prozac didn't improve my depression, so she switched me to Paxil and it worked like a charm. I no longer felt as if I didn't have a purpose. Thanks to this med, I began to feel better and knew everything would be okay. I started to believe that I was someone who was loved by many and had plenty of talents/abilities.

Keep the letter your boyfriend wrote. Read it every time you feel depressed. I don't know you like your boyfriend does, but based on what I've read here on the board, I agree with him 100% as far as numbers 1-3 are concerned.

Hugs!

BipolarPrincess · 05-13-2009, 12:52 AM

aw (((dreams))) thank you so much.

Thanks for being here for me. It's just I've been on every anti-depressant in the book with no results. But I was never on a mood stabilizer with it. So Lamictal is going to be my next move. And get back on the Klonopins since they have a longer shelf-life and improve with irritability and stabilize moods. I see me regular doctor on Thursday, she prescribes my meds right now until I go into therapy.

dreams in neon · 05-13-2009, 01:26 AM

BipolarPrincess,

I can't remember. Did you call a clinic to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or a therapist only? If you haven't called to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist, I would recommend that you do since they are familiar with psychotropic meds as well as treatments for bipolar and Borderline.

If you struggle more with depression than mania, Lamictal may be a good choice for you. The same thing is true of Klonopin. Many pdocs use Klonopin as a mood stabilizer given how well it helps control mood swings. I know it certainly does for me when it comes to my rapid cycling.

Let us know how your appointment with your GP goes. Good luck!

Jemi200 · 05-13-2009, 05:45 PM

Sometimes very strong bipolar medicine itself (Lithium, Heldall) destroys depression when taken right. Ask your psych.

I wouldn't be saying this if it didn't work for me. I know we have different chemistry, but I also know that's a general rule in psychiatry.