I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
I know how you feel. I too was recently diagnosed, but have had depression and anxiety problems leading up to this. Everyone just thought that they were separate issues, especially the anxiety because I have OCD. However, after being in the hospital for a third time they finally figured out that it is bipolar, and all of that anxiety is a manic phase. Since the diagnosis I feel better because I am on medications that help with the mania. For me, when I am manic, it comes in the form of anxiety and irritability. I don't know if I have accepted the diagnosis because for so long I always thought that the bad anxiety was just my OCD. I think that there is more of a stigma with bipolar. I had no problem telling my friends that I had OCD, but I have yet to tell anyone (except my wonderful husband) that I have bipolar. I just feel like people would judge me, label me, and not understand. I really like this message board because there are so many people here who get it. You're not alone in this!
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
I am new to the boards, just joined a few minutes ago. i am still trying to figure out how to start a thread.
Anyway, since June 3rd I sought treatment for vicodin addiction and anxiety. I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with bipolar 11. So, I am now on three meds, Depakote ER 750 mg. per night, Risperidal .25 mg per night and Suboxone, 16 mg per day.
Yes, my moods are now good, I no longer crave Vicodin, and mentally I feel the best I have ever felt.
But, now I am always so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Being so tired is effecting my life. I had to leave work at noon the other day because I could not keep my eyes open, I am too tired to do anything that I don't have to do. (I'm too tired to spend time with my family). I also always feel like I am in a "fog", and I am also getting quite forgetful. My life is still impaired, just in different ways now.
Also, all I do is eat. Hungry all the time.
I told my psychiatrist that I am so tired, and he said to just deal with it. The meds are still pretty new. But, I just can't stand it anymore.
Tonight I am trying an experiment. I have decided not to take any Depakote or Risperadal at all and see how tired I am tomorrow. I can't stop the Suboxone or else I will get withdrawl symptoms. I just want to see if it is these meds making me so tired.
Has anyone else been through this? I can't stand it anymore!! And it hasn't even been a full month!!
Often when you first start certain meds you will have a tired feeling and a fogginess.... sometimes it wears off after about a week or so, sometimes it doesn't and that's often where either a dose adjustment needs to be considered or a complete change of medication. Biopolar and medication is unfortunately often a challenge to find the right combination. I wouldn't suggest stopping your medications for your own "experimentation"..... at least not two at a time as you won't know which drug made the difference as it could be just one of them. If after a few weeks your pdoc is still saying deal with it.... I would consider finding a new one!
I've recently been diagnosed as bipolar, and even after reading through this board and other articles and journals I could find I still have a lot of questions and concerns, especially since I don't feel entirely comfortable going to family members and friends to discuss them.
I've had longstanding depression, mood and anxiety problems which I have always considered separate issues. I've had issues with depression for as long as I can remember and had my first panic attack at about 5 years old, watching the thriller video for the first time. I also have serious anger management and addictions issues in my family (on both sides), of which anger management has been a serious problem for me and my relationship with my wife. We always thought, treat the depression and the other things will improve.
The connect the dots moment came yesterday in a therapy appointment with my wife, when we were talking about what specifically triggers an agitated mood and I talked for the first time openly about the correlation between periods of high productivity (I'm a composer) and difficulties concentration, abnormally high energy levels, inability to think clearly etc and also my bad temperament. Many serious fights have come up between me and my wife because I felt she was interrupting me during a period where I was getting work done.
When the therapist said the word, I immediately felt kind of sick to my stomach. As much as it was nice to have something to say this could be the root cause of all the mental health problems I've struggles with for so long, the diagnosis itself, the stigma that comes with it and the things I had previously heard about getting treatment are very frightening to me.
My biggest concern is that with all my self esteem issues I have always been able to put stock in feeling like a very creative person, and the composing that I have done in the last 2 years or so is one of my proudest achievements in life. Essentially I'm terrified of losing that. I know it is totally unfair to put my wife through the up and downs, the walking on eggshell moments that living with me has been, but still I have that feeling like I don't want to lose a part of me that is very important to my self worth.
I'd really appreciate any feedback from anyone on here who works in a creative field on how treatment impacted their work, from a consistency or a perceived quality standpoint. I just don't have any reference to go by.
Getting diagnosed can be one of the hardest pieces of information you receive. But finding the right treatment can make it all worth while in the end. Unfortunately, there is a stigma with bipolar and other mental disorders although a little better than it used to be. I'm not the most creative person in the world but I have read and heard that many creative people (famous) suffered from some form of mental illness.
Welcome to the board and wishing you all the best!
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