Having some difficulties - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

jayter904 · 10-07-2009, 04:13 PM

Hi all I am new to this board. I feel like I need some help but I am afraid to reveal my situation to a medical professional, for fear of getting in trouble with the state bar. But I'm not thinking clearly so I'm hoping someone can advise me on the best course of action.

I've lived with bipolar for many years now. I'm type II, so my manic episodes are VERY infrequent. Thus, I generally take a regular anti-depressant, which most of the time seems to work better for me than BP meds. However, I think I'm having a fairly significant manic incident right now. I've gotten a tremendous amount of work done in the past couple of days, which is good, but I can't sit still, so my health seems to be suffering. Also, I'm hearing things and I think I'm acting innapropriately- I've gotten some puzzled looks over the last couple of days.

I'm also afraid to tell my girlfriend because, though she's aware of my BP, she's never seen me full-blown. So basically I'm trying to cover it up with everyone I know and it's making me want to blow my top or just disappear, which I've done in the past.

I'm scared to talk to a doctor because I'm afraid they'll lock me away and take away my job, but I'm slipping and I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it together. nobody who doesn't have it can really understand, and nobody really cares because it's not a visible injury.

all this makes me realize is that I really am all alone with this one....

BP2RC · 10-07-2009, 04:35 PM

you are suffering from a hypomanic episode at this time-although this could lead to full blown mania.which is probable since you are showing signs of psychosis
first thing to do is contact your doctor and get help to prevent a full blown manic episode,i don't know about your country but here in the uk we can attend the accident and emergency department of our hospital.
you can't lose your job because of your illness-discrimination
so instead of reading posts like this looking for answers my friend-get your arse into gear and get help ASAP
so stop reading this and get help NOW

jayter904 · 10-07-2009, 04:45 PM

You're right of course, I don't think we're as sensitive here in the US, but ultimately I just need some help- thanks!

BP2RC · 10-07-2009, 04:52 PM

Good for you my friend just go and get it-but be prepared for the depression that may follow.
Wishing you all the best

Wendy489 · 10-07-2009, 08:49 PM

Jim,, the bad news is yes, I think you are experiencing a Hypomanic, if not fully blown manic episode (the lines are very blurred b/w BP I and II). I don't work now due to my mental illnesses, but had a long career in Public Relations/Communications and for a long time, I was able to channel the hypomania and mania into amazing work outcomes. I got better jobs, raises etc as a result - but it can never last forever. It's a false level of functionality.

And for we of the Bipolar kind, the sad fact is that if we experience Hypomania/Mania, there is a Major Depressive episode coming down the shute sometime soon. The bad news is also that if you don't face this and do something about it, events will unfold of themselves and you won't be able to contol what happens. And that includes your relatinships at work, you girlfriend etc, no matter how hard you try to keep a lid on it.

THE GOOD NEWS IS there is treatment available for this. I was given antidepressants incorrectly for 7 years by several psychiatrists and I lost everything. Some psychs medicate for profit and have an "unholy alliance" with Big Pharma. If you're a lawyer you may be aware of that. If you step out of this self destructive paradigm, you will find that there is so much help out there for you - better meds and therapy to heal your battered psyche. I don't believe you will be thrown out of your profession for seeking help (which no-one at work need know about). But if you remain improperly treated for your illnesses, your job may go. I don't mean to be mean saying this, but for me, as a 10 years sober alcoholic in AA and a recovering psych patient, I have to be brutally honest with myself all the time. I hope you come through this and thrive in all areas of your life. Keep posting.

Wendy