i have now been suffering for the past three years after losing my business and home, i am married with four children and felt i let my family down after this had happened, i selfharm if i feel i have done someting wrong, i have taken overdoses as i fell i am a waste of space, i feel i am a burden to my family, then the other side of me. i am the strong one, its me they come to for advice, its me they come to if they have a problem, ihave a son of 20, one of 19, a daughter of 17 and a son of 12, i know they need me but then there are times to where i feel i am killing them inside, my head on times just wants to scream out loud as i feel so trapped in this world of ups and downs i get so moody those around me never know whats to expect from me, i myself never know which way im going to turn, i love my family so much i know they love me too, and as young as they are they do understand, but i hate putting them through this all the time.......
hi yes i am on meds and go for counselling, i go periods of good weeks but then ou of the blue, bang im harming myself, or really want to fight,hit scream at my husband as i feel he really anoys me to the point i want to run away and never be found
My guess is that, either one or more of the meds you are on is not right for you, or the dosage needs tweaking- or like me you can be a touch sporadic at times with your doses? Sometimes when my head gets foggy I forget I'm even supposed to take meds- which can only end badly! Either way I'd say they are not doing their job. Perhaps a trip your dr is in order?
I agree with Mowgli to interrogate your psych endlessly until you get tghe right mix of meds, This is you life here and you deserve the best mental health you can get.
In terms of your family, is it possible for all of them to get some counselling from someone who specliases in family counselling? I think that could be a really good way to both let them understand what is happening to you, and that it doesn't relate to them having done anything wrong, but also giving them coping strategies for themselves and also coping strategies for when they are around you and you are unwell.
hi wendy, dont grt me wrong, we as a family talk, we dicuss my problem openly, i have said if they want to talk to others regarding my probs, but there happy with dealing with it in there way which is private, i know what u r saying and i wish they would talk to others, but its a thing in our family going back to the way we r brought up, from my parents,grandparents, u keep your problems behind close doors, im very open about my prob, ill discuss it with who wants to know i believe in the more we talk about others who have it know there not alone and educates others out there to understand people like myself, but thank u for your reply
That's an awesome way to think- I try to think, and subscribe to that theory also, to try and get some understanding happening about bp.
I see that you have 3 monthly appointments with your pdoc, can I suggest that if you can, don't leave so long between them while all is not right. That's a long time to be feeling out of control on the rollercoaster.
please let us know how you are doing, we all seem to agree though we are not docs, you need the right meds. here in the U.S. you are checked much more often. I feel for you because you may need some trial and error. took me awhile at once a month. can you call your doc when meds are not working after certain period of time? What about side effects you need a doc to call. Good luck with your appt.
jeri, it's clear you've been very proactive with your family in terms of education. Of course the "take up rate" of family being offered some time with a psychiatrist or psychologist would I daresay be pretty low around the world - people are just so scared of mental illness itself, and I think in many cases scared of having some light shon on them, that they won't participate, but you've done your bit. And you also mentioned the culture of behind closed doors in your family (it plagued my family for years, especailly as it related to addiction - I lost my Dad and many other people to alcoholism and I am a 10 years sober alcoholci in AA).
hi mowgli yes it is a long time to be on your own, and like many people they hate bothering the doc to often, like i said before you feel such a burden to others, but u r right, i shall start to call the doc when im on a low or even a high as i know after the high comes the " lets end it time " after all the only way the doc learns about this condition is by those who have it....
hi wendy, thank u for your reply, i understand you too, as i turned to drink when things started to go wrong, early days for me but have been dry now for a year, feel so much stronger without it, and able to deal with the bipo much better, all the best to yourself and WOW... well done to you xx
hi angel,thank u for your reply, like i said to mowgli, i am going to contact my doc more, after all thats what they get paid for, and the more people go with this the more understanding the docs will get of it
nothing is your fault, and im sure they wouldnt want you to feel bad for them . they love you , they are there for you no matter what. love does many things. and you cant control this illness, so why dwell on somethhing you cant change , and learn to accept it. after i accepted having bi polar i got a tatoo on my wrist that says :FATE: theres must be a reason i have this, its a learning experience, and shows how strong we are.