My thoughts on being Bipolar and the boredom and lows that we suffer.
I do not know about you, anyone who reads this but the "gift" of our brilliance is also laced with the "curse" of the same. One once said "to be ignorant is to be blissful", this may be the case.
Bipolars we who are touched with the most brilliant creativity, love, and passion, pay the dear cost of decaying, bored and losing our luster in our wilting garden of inactivity at times.
To possess the intellect we do is remarkable but in that same higher attention to details sometimes it seems the "normal" non Bipolars among us seem happier.
To us, we gifted and cursed, cut by our own double edged sword of being touched with fire - Bipolar - it seems to me that on the whole mankind in general speak are happy in their sameness, the get up, shower, eat, work, eat, sleep, again and again, yet they are happy, content, reminding me of ants, going round and round the ant hill day after day not knowing or noticing the boredom, the monotony of their existence.
Sometimes I looks at others, non-Bipolars in their same routines and think, "do they know they are getting nowhere, do they not feel the weight of day bleeding into night and night to day and the endless cycle of the same over and over again? How are they "happy?"
I have read that Bipolars with our gifted artist passion feel boredom more and grow tired with the mundane swiftly, but how can you go from living on our brand of whimsy, our flights of the mind to just existing. Thus Bipolar is a gift to see more, feel more deeply, and yearn for more than just mere existance, but to live, to ride the lightening of the mind but it is a paradox that in order to have the "gift" you must also deal with the droll stagnation of always wanting to feel more and more alive thus the curse. A Pandoras Box, yet when I feel the dullness tugging at me in the winter,a Bipolars worst season I try to remember the "hope" of the sun in the wilting garden of those cold winds.
Let me know your thoughts.
The following user gives a hug of support to alwaysfifteen: fuzzybrayn (10-02-2011)
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to alwaysfifteen For This Useful Post: fuzzybrayn (10-02-2011), lynnlee (07-06-2012), Ndricho (09-25-2011)
Love this, as a writer myself, this truly evoked an amazing picture in my mind. I would write more but my brain hurts from being up all night. Everything you said is so spot on and eloquently stated! Let me know when your work is published!
I'm Bipolar II, so I don't have the real "highs" that I's do, but I understand that it is frustrating to be able to do so much and to feel so creative when manic, then have to suffer from the drugs that dope us up.....I don't find myself looking at "non-bipolars" as like ants, but maybe I just haven't had the highs that you have.....
What a brilliant description of Bipolar ..... I have just been diagnosed and so get what your saying... At mo I am missing the highs.. n have been started on Eplilim chrono.... which 2 weeks ago I was so high on Citalopram.. ( anti depressant)... n Psychiatrist has started me on this.. having brain zaps at the mo.. n mood all over the place... can you tell me how long it takes to stabilise mood ? n do Bi Polar people become used to the medication and sometimes need to change it? This is all a new mind set for me.. n on one hand so glad of the diagnoses.. as always felt diff.. n wild lol.. I hope you are well n not too bored of the mundane he he... so know what u are saying
I love how you write. I've been feeling really bored lately. I try to find things to do. Sometimes I draw or read. I started a blog and get obsessive over videos and lists, but it all is so meaningless. I don't think I'm depressed. I'm on a lot of meds and they all seem to working very well together. I just wish I had more going on in my life. At night time, I don't want the night to end. My psychologist says that is my OCD. I want to keep my thoughts alive, if that makes any sense. I don't want to let go, but at the same time I'm so freaking bored I have nothing else to do.
Last edited by Administrator; 09-22-2011 at 12:22 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to exoticsquare For This Useful Post: Ndricho (09-25-2011)
I think sometimes that this is just part of the torture that we have to live with...we are driven to learn more, do more, research more...but the disorder makes everything so chaotic and difficult. I'm 42 and so far have managed to get an Associates Degree in Computer Science, I am a Full Charge Bookkeeper, I have a Certificate in Office Accounting and am a Certified Paralegal in TX. And next year am going to go back to school to get my C.P.A. accreditation. *lol* If you could make a living being a professional student, I'd probably do that! I love to learn new things, stretch my mind...I get bored very easily with the mundane things in life that require little or no thought to complete, yet must be done each day. That tricky little web we have to weave....
Very well said. Your writing style reminds me of Kay Redfield Jamison in "An Unquiet Mind" If you haven't read it I encourage you to do so, its an excellent book, she is Professor of psychiatry and she also has bipolar. Its a unique perspective.
I love this. So very accurate. I'm Bipolar II, so I don't think it's as intense for me, but I do understand the frustration with simply existing. At times, I feel I'm doing wonderful things, and my life is headed in fantastic directions, then something in my brain switches and I realize I'm going the exact same place as everyone else. I'm doing the same things, working, going to school, etc.. but I see no value in any of it. I think that I'll just get tired of everything I do and everyone I know. There has never been a long term for me, it has always been passing glances. I can't hold my attention long enough for a long term. I tire of situations too easily. Take relationships, for example. That's just a really huge joke, and I don't even need to go into detail. Jobs; I can't stand the monotony of a 9-5. Even if it's random shift work, I start to tire of the tasks themselves. Everything just gets so boring. Thinking about having to endure life for another 50 or so more years is exhausting. I don't understand common folk either. That's not happy to me. But there are times I delude myself into believing I'm not just existing and I do have some sort of purpose, and I'll stop growing tired of everything and life will eventually be great. Eh, it gets me by.
This is my first post, I have bipolar I and I can totally relate about getting bored. Getting bored to the whole repeat thing is one of the many things that contributed to put me into my first breakdown. Maybe it is a curse for us, as during our hyperactive time we could do things and think thoughts beyond normal's means, and that is not good for this world so we shall suffer the downs, which are our mind torture. then the whole contrast between the ups and downs makes it unbearable. we fluctuate between our illusion of powerfulness and full-blown misery and self-mocking.
It is not a nice place to be where we are, so unless we medicate and do some CBT or thought adjusting to align to the normals, it can get totally overwhelming. We are unlucky to have this, but so are other people with other diseases. Maybe CBT can also help with boredom, and we have to do something about it.
i would love to see a community center for bpers that offers exercise, healthy cooking classes, yoga, meditation, mindfulness and a library and hangout room where people can discuss the more enlightening stuff. figure out answers together. put our knowledge together.
Honey, tell me about it. RIght now my brilliant bipolar son is in major trouble.
Neither the us attorney or his attorney will believe that either he, I, or three freaking other generations before us could be bipolar because our IQ reads in the genius range. I really need help from a pro Bono lawyer in AL who knows about this dreaded disease. I feel as if I am in an episode of the twilight zone there.