Cyclothymic Disorder - extreme cycling
I was diagnosed with Cyclothymic Disorder about a year ago. I was put on a steadily increased regiment of Lamictal and Zyprexa.
I am off them now(actually just got back on today) but I really do feel like I remember after a few weeks, my moods and ability to think, and to slow down the thought in my brain, did start to get better. That I was starting to trust who I was, and what I was feeling again.
My question is... in the descriptions I read, it usually talks about swing from hypertensia(sp?) and dysmia(sp?) over periods of a few months. I feel like my mood swings are much more rapid, as in, hourly. Minutely even. I can sit down being excited about playing a video game, and by the time I come back to the share, with the Xbox on, with a glass of water. I no longer have any interest.
I am in a bad way with my g/f of 2 years as well. We split up, and I thought it was what I wanted, but I still wanted to be with her too. Now she met a new person, and I am crushed. But am I? Do I want what I cant have? Do I really love her? Am I just jealous? It is probably a mix of those, but again, I have no idea which feelings to trust. Minute to minute, hour by hour, day by day, my feelings change, my thought on my feeling change, my decision to go one way or another is reversed back and forth.
I can KNOW what needs to be done. And have it in me to do it. And if I let go of it, or dont do it emmediatly, or sleep on it...the person I am the next day, or even the next hour, might not agree at all with what I had decided.
I am attempting to get back on my regiment..though now I am paying for the Zyprexa and there is literally no way I can afford it. So Im a little nervous.
Can Cyclothymic disorder have just drastic rapid swings? Minute to minute, hour to hour? Sometimes I have weeks of extreme happiness, optimism, just excitement...but generally...Im always bouncing between very content and extremely unhappy.
Also...I heard of people doing Lamictal and Abilify...any info? Is that better or cheaper?
Ill stop now. Save some for other threads. But man...I would appreciate any answers. Because I feel like cyclothymic describes me, hell, I was diagnosed with it. But I am scared to actually understand that there is something in my brain that made me act the way i did, lose the love I lost, and treat the closest people who loved me most, in such a bad bad way.