I've read some stuff in here. Sounds familiar, most of it. I got diagnosed ADHD 14 years ago, 2 months ago they changed it to Bipolar, and said they always suspected I was, but I took a long 300 or so question test that 'confirmed' that I was bipolar.
My life is a long story, but summed up by good moods and bad moods, and occasional "whatever" moods. I originally took wellbutrin and have went on and off and on several times. Trying different doses, nothing seemed to do anything more than make life "tolerable" so I could go to work and not quit.
Then, 2 months ago, my psychiatrist prescription lady, whom I've been seeing off and on for about 10 years, said (after taking a long 300 some question test) that I was Bipolar. She says they suspected all along that I was.
Anyways, I'm extremely anti social. I have a hard time even hanging out with friends unless I'm in one of my "whoo hoo" moods. In those times, I try to do as much as possible it seems, because I know that after the "whoo hoo" mood is gone, there will be the inevitable black abyss that I'm usually wallowing in. Hating people, getting irritable, shortening my answers, avoiding conversation, trying to attract as little attention as possible (which is hard when you're 6'2" and look like I do).
I get irritable even at my friends. I've snapped at them a few times, rarely offering an apology. I have one friend that is a pathological liar I believe. Another that's a complete alcoholic.
anyways, so now my counselor psychiatrist prescription lady gives me Lamotrgine (100mg), wellbutrin (300mg xl), and tried to give me Risperdone (which gave me manboobs) and Saphris (which gave me restless leg syndrome when I was trying to sleep). So I don't take those ones now.
I recently (a month ago) quit drinking. I used to drink when I was bored, or if I wanted to talk to people I had to drink. I feel very alone in a crowd, but it really doesn't bother me that much. I like sitting alone, sometimes in a dark corner. I've had many, many suicidal thoughts, and almost acted on a couple of them.. one of which ended me in the hospital.
Anyways, does this sound like Bipolar, or ADHD? Or both? I dunno. I'm also trying to figure out what the "goal" of this medication is? To make me like people? That would be nice! Less irritable? More productive? Less deep, dark, looming abyss, and more sunshiny "I love everyone" days? Yeah. I guess so.
I don't know if anyone has answered your questions but I will give it a try. I have bi-polar disorder (I have the disorder not I am bipolar). I was diagnosed in 2005 but have been "moody" since I was a child. I usually hide out a lot myself even with the meds. I'm "normal" and don't have the mood swings as much but being around people causes me anxiety after a while...like when I run out of something to say or they just bore me. LOL! It's true. Since I'm quite, I usually attract very talkative people...go figure. After 3 years of tryiing different meds I'm finally settled on Cymbalta 60mg 2 a day; Abilify 5 mg 1 a day; Trazadon 50 mg 1 a day and Clonazapam 1/2 twice a day and 1 at nigh. I also have a panic disorder and the Clonazapam helps that so much. I was taking Wellbutrin but it made me so tired all the time, I weaned myself off of it (didn't tell my doctor yet). I don't have that tiredness anymore but...still love to be by myself with my computer, and radio for company. I have 6 children and 12 grandchildren so am never in need of company. Thank God they know how I am and don't "come over" to see me but call enough and share on FB a lot to keep me up.
I think you probably are bi-polar from what you described but need to keep trying different meds. You don't have to feel that "black hole" with the right meds (in my humble opinion). I don't know for sure but some people just take longer to get the right meds or treatment. I would definately tell my doctor EVERYTHING that bothers you. I used to go to appts. with a list. Also, make sure you know your meds and understand the side effects.
Thanks for reading! Lana
No med is going to make you like people. You might find some that will make you hate them less. If you do please let me know. I really, really dislike people. I don't like being around people I don't know. I can't drink on my meds so I can't even relax around new people. It takes me forever to warm up to a new person. I always figured it was just me. Once the meds start working you may feel less numb. That might help the situation. I can't believe it took 10 years for you to be dx. Best of luck.
Well, the only thing that really bothers me is people, and they don't have a pill for that yet.
But seriously, I'm taking Lamotragine and wellbutrin, and I feel great. I mean, great is usually just "empty" but no swings or anything. Mild anger. Humans don't seem to understand me, and I'm thinking about getting off FB or just not posting for a while. Otherwise, quitting drinking has helped alot I believe, actually just the diagnosis helped alot. I kinda look at my whole life and say "whoa.." it all adds up great. The original ADHD diagnosis did more harm than good because I wasn't afraid to drink or go off my meds for just ADHD. Bipolar is a bit more serious, so this is all still new to me.
Anyways, thank you for the reply! Hope you're doing well.
I'll let you know if I find one. No, I used to drink just to socialize, and now I can't drink (or am not going to because of the meds). So I guess I'll just settle for empty and glad to be alive, because that's a big change for me since taking the meds. People drain the energy and life right out of me, so I'm pretty much avoiding them. Thankfully I only work with one guy, and he says he might have a little of what I got. (BP).
I was really ****** that I went that long with the wrong diagnosis, and I left quite the trail of destruction behind me, always thinking it was the "ADHD". I dunno, but I started thinking that things didn't add up.. I read a bunch of books about that disorder, and I had about 2 things in common. Hard to concentrate, and mood swings. For some reason, I never pictured myself as bipolar or took the time to dig into it. I doubt I could have diagnosed myself anyways since I didn't really see myself as being all the extremely moody.