Do you have a counselor or a minister that you can talk to? Talking is the best medicine. I'm not sure I really like the term "crazy". I think that you have experienced a traumatic event in your life and you were not capable of coping with it all by yourself. I know what it's like. I am also bipolar (among other things) and I have experienced many sudden deaths in my life, including both my parents and grandparents in just a few months of each other. The worst was my Mother who I actually walked in a found her. That was very traumatic for me, and to be honest, I have never gotten over it and that has been over 7 years ago.
As hard as it is, when I am in a situation that I feel like there is no outlet, I always think that there are others who are worse off than I am. That is why I am here for you. When I spend my time worrying over someone else, is less time I am spending worrying over myself. There is some truth to "it is better to give than to receive". Giving of your time helping others will make you feel better and eventually feel better about yourself.
All this advice is good advice, but I know all too well how hard it can be to do sometimes. We just have to take one day at a time.