Hi Everyone, today I went to see a doctor. I had looked up bipolar disorder after my grandfather passed away, he was diagnosed bipolar. I had all the symptoms but being a little bit of a hypocondriac I felt I was just imagining it. But after a few months of noticing myself having manic (just learned what it was called) and depressive episodes I realized I should see a doctor. So I did, he talked with me for 2 hours and said I seem to be bipolar. So I was started on lamotrigine. I haven't taken it yet because I'm scared. Ok here comes the personal part lol.
.............. Am I stuck. I never wanted to take a pill everyday. I wanted to be me, however that was. My doctor asked me if I have ideas, I told him all the time. I do I have ideas, invent things,write music. So yea i do. And he said it's a symptom of being bipolar. It's called floating ideas or something like that. Will that all go away? Will I become a zombieish person now. I make jokes and make people laugh constantly. Will I keep to myself more? I guess my real concern is if in fact the medicine does equal me out and I do have bipolar disorder(is there a short way to say bipolar disorder? BD? ) am I supposed to fix it. Maybe being bipolar is being me. So I'm just scared now, scared of being called crazy or actually going crazy. Or not having a certain idea I should've had. Maybe not getting depressed and writing a song I would've. So if anyone can please help me figure this all out I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks
Hi! Many newly-diagnosed BPs (and older ones like me, too) fret with good cause over side-effects of bipolar meds. Try to minimize worrying in advance. No one wants all of their creativity stomped out, but your doctor isn't likely to "over-dope" you. Personally, I'd rather be a little snuffed-out than ride a dangerous manic edge. Good luck to you, and I hope your meds cocktail works out well. Take Care!
you have to ask yourself why you went to the Dr. It wasn't just because of your grandad, it was because of you.
You are Brainstorm, you are bipolar - I always like to think that the meds make me the person my parents brought me up to be - and let's not forget when we're high WE think we're the life and soul......but I know I can be pretty scary....when we're depressed or high our 0-4yrs old scripts our parents laid down go awry. Have you ever done anything you're ashamed of/regret/landed you in trouble but when you look back have no idea why did it - you were just having a good time? So you thought. Or thought things were so bleak there was no point in anything, so that it's actual physical pain? And then after wonder how on earth you could ever think that? why would you want to do this. It IS a hard road; but with good friends and family, who you must talk to about this, you will find a path. You may have to drastically change a few things (which really is hard - going to bed, not drinking too much, blah blah - but I haven't forsaken everything) I would not be without medication - it's not fair on my daughter, my parents, my partner, my friends, and most importantly me. I want to lead a life; whatever that may be.
PS being a hypochondriac comes with BP territory......just a tip....I always have cancer somewhere! x