Hello, my name is Kristina. I was diagnosed with three mental disorders. I have PTSD, Panic disorder, and just recently, Mood Bipolar Disorder. I am a hot mess!
I shouldn't have been surprised when my Psychologist diagnosed me with Mood Bipolar Disorder. My grandmother disowned me for a Hershey Park ride and I wasn't even there. My mother is also diagnosed with PTSD, Manic Depression, and mild Bipolar. I don't even think there is a mild form but I can tell you that mental disorder runs very rampant in my family. One thing that worries me the most is that my husbands family has pathological liars and added with my mental disorders I feel as though our poor children are doomed.
I am really new to this and to be honest with you, like I said earlier, it did not come to a surprise. I am reading the signs and I can tell you that I have been this way for many years. I am now 32 years old. I was told it hits you hard around this time of age. Is that true? My mania comes in two forms. Please excuse me if I am too forward. One form is Manic Depressive. I get so depressed, all I want to do is lay in bed and watch a lot of television. Mainly TV series such as "Once Upon a Time" or "Charmed" for instance. I will not eat or drink for days. I am severely shattered with anxiety. I was also told anxiety comes with my Bipolar. (So fun, let me tell you) When I manage to get out of this state I will start feeling elated and want to have sex with my husband.... a lot. Or I will want to get attention from other men or women (yes, I am Bisexual). After this is over I am depressed and filled with paralyzing anxiety that I don't want to be touched.
I have horrible vicious anger. At one point I have destroyed one part of my mothers house because of our mental illness clashing. It was a part of my life I would love to forget. I have controlled the better part of that but when my children act up, I scream at them. I do NOT abuse my children. They are in good hands. I am a mother that is trying to get better. I have controlled this anger for the better part. Who doesn't get upset with their kids from time to time? I am not perfect but my children are well taken care of than I am.
It is a vicious cycle that I was not aware of until it was pointed out. I am actually very happy to be diagnosed, mainly because I can start understanding who I am and I can start healing. I know there is no cure but I do know that I can educate myself and control it as much as I can with my own will and my medication.
Currently I am taking Lamictal 25mg until next week when I take 50mg. I am also taking Seroquel 100mg. I really hate this medication (Seroquel) because I have the "Hangover" in the morning. It does knock me right out. I noticed, in my voyage of education, this is not uncommon. I go see my therapist on Friday. I believe he can give me some assistance in this med (hopefully). I have much more to talk about but I think this novel is enough. Time to write the next chapter of my life. I am glad to be here and sad that I am not alone. This is something I would not wish on anyone.
I can identify with you. My mother suffered from depression, and I'm pretty sure several of her siblings also did. I started at age 35 and had to be hospitalized several times. I only had one real manic episode that lasted about five weeks. The rest of the time was depression, severe at times. I tried a few antidepressants, but Wellbutrin worked best for me. I also took a mood stabilizer. I lost my temper at times, but always regretted it. It just wasn't me, and I truly believe the anger was a part of my depression.
It's been 20 years, and I'm doing okay, although I still take a maintenance dose of Wellbutrin.
Like you, if I were to elaborate on all my experiences, it would be a novel.
Keep looking for the right medicine. There will come a time when you feel like yourself again.