Before I start explaining my problem, I feel I need to press the fact that I am totally in love with my boyfriend of many years. He is a kind, considerate, gentle bloke and in no way have I lost any desire for him, and there are no problems regarding our relationship. Also, the best sex I have ever had is with him; I would definately say he is good in bed, so no problems there either.
The reason I say this is because everyone I seem to ask about this problem, whether I explain this fact or not, seems to think that my problem is that I don't want to have sex with HIM; when the reason I am so depressed is that I DO want to have sex with him, and I WANT TO WANT to have sex with him, but can't. So please, don't answer me by saying I don't fancy my boyfriend anymore.
I have been taking the contraceptive pill (logynon) for over two years. I was taking it in another relationship but had no problems. Over the last few months my libido has decreased gradually to the point where I am practically asexual. I don't need or want sex, cannot become aroused no matter what and produce hardly any fluid during sex or foreplay, making sex uncomfortable without having to stop about twice every ten minutes to get more lube. I also seem to get thrush or just itchy all the time. It has got to the point that I only have sex to make my boyfriend happy, but every time we try to have sex we stop half way through because I burst into tears.
I also have very low self esteem, I am slightly overweight (11st at 5ft7) and have always had a problem with small breasts, so I'm very inhibited now during sex- I can only really feel comfortable in missionary. I wasn't like this before.
I desperately want to enjoy sex, I love my boyfriend so much, but I have forgotten what it feels like to want it or be aroused. I also don't masturbate any more. I've read on the internet that taking the pill for as little as six months can ruin your libido for the rest of your life; this is such a scary thought for me.
Please help me because this is making me so depressed, it's making me cry whilst writing this; I can't go on like this. Even if you can just share your experience it will help a little.
edit: I have stopped taking the pill, by the way, from today.
Last edited by shreddywren; 11-25-2008 at 06:21 AM.
I know exactly what you're going through, because I had the same thing happen to me. It has nothing to do with how you feel about your bf, because that's the one thing you can be sure of. It has everything to do with the fact that you were on the pill, and that is what caused all of these problems for you.
I've been posting advice on these forums for a while now, and the birth control board is the one that hits closest to home for me. I originally came here looking for other women suffering a lost libido due to hormonal contraception and I was amazed at how many others had the exact same problem. So I started researching on this and other message boards and started reading up on clinical trials on long term use of hormonal contraception. And I came to the conclusion that all women, if they stay on the pill long enough (and it doesn't matter what brand because they all have this effect) will eventually lose their libido.
The problem is that most women don't realize this is a side effect because their doctor never tells them when they prescribe it. So, initially they think they have a spike in their sex drive because they feel like they can have sex without a condom and not have to worry about pregnancy. But after that initial excitement about that wears off, the women start to slowly not really get as interested in sex anymore. And very gradually, after more time passes, they find they aren't all that interested in being touched in any way, not even just to cuddle, sometimes. And so they start to think maybe their feelings toward their bf or husband have changed, when in reality that has nothing to do with it. In reality, it's because the pill has started affecting their sex drive and it is very hard to get it back again, because it takes time.
I was on the pill for over 15 years before I finally quit. And it took me over a year to get my libido back to normal. I started getting angry after I turned 30 and kept hearing women in their 30s were supposed to be in their sexual prime and yet there I was feeling nothing. So I quit taking the pill, and around the time I turned 32, was when I finally started feeling back to normal again.
So, my only reccommendation to you would be, stick with not taking the pill anymore and use a different contraception. I only use condoms and I've been happy with it. I will never take another fake hormone again because I refuse to put myself through that again!!
I know exactly what you're going through, because I had the same thing happen to me. It has nothing to do with how you feel about your bf, because that's the one thing you can be sure of. It has everything to do with the fact that you were on the pill, and that is what caused all of these problems for you.
I've been posting advice on these forums for a while now, and the birth control board is the one that hits closest to home for me. I originally came here looking for other women suffering a lost libido due to hormonal contraception and I was amazed at how many others had the exact same problem. So I started researching on this and other message boards and started reading up on clinical trials on long term use of hormonal contraception. And I came to the conclusion that all women, if they stay on the pill long enough (and it doesn't matter what brand because they all have this effect) will eventually lose their libido.
The problem is that most women don't realize this is a side effect because their doctor never tells them when they prescribe it. So, initially they think they have a spike in their sex drive because they feel like they can have sex without a condom and not have to worry about pregnancy. But after that initial excitement about that wears off, the women start to slowly not really get as interested in sex anymore. And very gradually, after more time passes, they find they aren't all that interested in being touched in any way, not even just to cuddle, sometimes. And so they start to think maybe their feelings toward their bf or husband have changed, when in reality that has nothing to do with it. In reality, it's because the pill has started affecting their sex drive and it is very hard to get it back again, because it takes time.
I was on the pill for over 15 years before I finally quit. And it took me over a year to get my libido back to normal. I started getting angry after I turned 30 and kept hearing women in their 30s were supposed to be in their sexual prime and yet there I was feeling nothing. So I quit taking the pill, and around the time I turned 32, was when I finally started feeling back to normal again.
So, my only reccommendation to you would be, stick with not taking the pill anymore and use a different contraception. I only use condoms and I've been happy with it. I will never take another fake hormone again because I refuse to put myself through that again!!
Thank you so much! Just to hear that you've come through this, even though it took a while, is a huge huge relief to me. Thank you for putting so much information into your answer, it's a big help. I can't thank you enough. I WILL NOT be taking those pills again
I had the same experience as Kszan. There is no need to defend yourself or explain yourself here. You've had a major loss in libido and you take synthetic hormones. It's like 2+2 equals 4!
My libido came back rather quickly. I'd been on the pill for 20-plus years and didn't even know what it felt like to be "sexy." I didn't even have an interest in masturbation and my stomach never had that "quivery" feeling.
I'd talked to so many doctors over the years, and NOT ONE them ever even inferred it might be a side effect of synthetic hormones. It wasn't until I was switched to a different pill that I felt a bit of sex drive and thought maybe the pill is suppressing something in me.
I went off the pill completely and I'd say in about three to six months, my libido was in full force. By then, I was in my mid 30s, so I'm sure a lot of it had to do with being in my sexual peak.
There is hope! There are also other forms of contraception that don't involve screwing with women's hormones.
I had the same experience as Kszan. There is no need to defend yourself or explain yourself here. You've had a major loss in libido and you take synthetic hormones. It's like 2+2 equals 4!
My libido came back rather quickly. I'd been on the pill for 20-plus years and didn't even know what it felt like to be "sexy." I didn't even have an interest in masturbation and my stomach never had that "quivery" feeling.
I'd talked to so many doctors over the years, and NOT ONE them ever even inferred it might be a side effect of synthetic hormones. It wasn't until I was switched to a different pill that I felt a bit of sex drive and thought maybe the pill is suppressing something in me.
I went off the pill completely and I'd say in about three to six months, my libido was in full force. By then, I was in my mid 30s, so I'm sure a lot of it had to do with being in my sexual peak.
There is hope! There are also other forms of contraception that don't involve screwing with women's hormones.
Best of luck to you
Thank you so much, your story and support are a huge help to me
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