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Uggghh....I repeat, hell

Posted 05-08-2012 at 12:04 PM by Anxiousgrl35
Updated 05-08-2012 at 06:09 PM by Administrator

Woke up scared, shaky, nervous. Not the same as yesterday for sure. Although last night sucked...got shaky again, laid around alot, and had a hot flush/flash in bathroom. not long ago i had it out with my 17yr old daughter, ive been keeping this from her so she basicly thinks im a lazy bum. BUT i knew no support would ever come from her so i was sparing her in a way, but i tried to tell her and we got into a fighting match. I told her im trying, and she said im not. I'm sucking off my mother, and im a loony, and shes going to stop associating with me. I can't believe how ignorant my family is!...when it comes to panic and anxiety. They wont read up on it, they wont accept it...they wont do anything. Yes, my daughter is young, 17... but come on! This sounds bad, but i almost dont <care> at all right now.

After the fight i couldnt breathe very well, but i didnt cry. In fact i got up and started to do stuff, and you know what?!?! I FEEL TERRIBLE! Not like yesterday when i felt like i accomplished something, but just bad even after i cleaned and did stuff... spacy, and i want to just fall down. Feel like im straining my damn heart. I'm finding it so hard to distract myself from anything ! I cant think about my friends...cuz then im upset i cant, or wont c them. If I think about them i think about my ex...and i get VERY VERY upset, because well...i thought he was the one. If i think about applying for a job, its like why? i wont drive to my interview! I think about my heart and maybe i should go get it checked along with my bp, and then its like Nooooooooo.....!!...then i have to drive and walk around. Smoking is not even a relaxer anymore..in fact, i just wanna quit. Really at this point, i dont see how its anxiety, i really dont..... i think its my heart, plain and simple. Not sure what? anything from being horizontal too much, to heart failure....cuz so many things are off. Even my skin color is off... protruding veins, skipping beat.... haha, i dont know anything anymore, but one thing...THIS SUCKS!
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