Posted 07-09-2012 at 08:57 AM by Beck21
Hey all. Beck here. Just feeling really frustrated and ill tempered at the moment. What the Brits refer to as "stroppy". Woke up this morning with the blahs and a killer headache. It did not help that it is already 100 degrees. Knocked over a can of Pepsi and that made me really mad at myself. Needless to say a book went flying across the kitchen. Nope, it did not grow wings, I threw the thing. Maybe it is the heat coupled with a bout of depression that is making me so short tempered with everyone and everything. Including inanimate objects. When I was in the hospital two years ago after an overdose the counciler gave us ways of coping with stress, anger, etc. None of those techniques are really working. I find myself really getting annoyed at little things that did not used to bother me much. Things like banging my shin on the kitchen island or bumping my head on the cupboard doors. Normally I would have laughed it off but today I wanted to rip the doors off. Even some of my closest friends/family is making me wanna scream and run away. It did not help I had a really bad night. Sometimes I really hate my life and the situations I am in. Perhaps the fact that I also suffer from Bi-polar 2 disorder is an attributing factor. Even something simple as someone asking what is wrong seems to set me off sometimes. Its not their fault ofcourse but perhaps I just need some good outlets. Like this blog I have been working on. Or having a really long conversation with a trusted friend.
Sometimes the ones with the best advice are outside of the family circle. I don't think that I am a misenthrope. I think its just part of the daily struggle. When I am short tempered I notice my patience level really drops and I get annoyed easily. Like if I send an email or a PM to a close friend and they take all day to respond. Or sometimes there is no responce. A simple "Hi don't want to chat right now" would suffice. Oh well. Well I had better cut this off b/c it is getting long and I am getting frustrated. More hopefully on this but in a calmer manner. Peace Out.