Thinking about it, I was happy at a size 14/16. Those were the happiest days of my life. I wanna be that happy again, go back there, but in my head, anything bigger than what i am now is unquestionable, unthinkable and just simply not allowed. Id love to be able to eat what i like within reason, and not feel guilty. I had a donut today, just one, instead of binging on a whole pack of cakes which i have done recently. It was a good donut, and i knew when to stop. Im hungry now, theres nothing id...

The difference with me, is that im a pretty open person. Most people with eating disorders ignore the problem, ignore the issues they have. Some dont even know they have these issues. Im bored of mine now. I see normal people living normal lives and it kills me to think that im not one of them. If im not over eating, im over exercising. Ive im not too busy eating cake and chocolate, im obsessing about how fat it makes you and what it does to your body. The truth is, this past week, ive been binging....

Miserable ((

I'm terribly bloated, and trying to write a 9 page paper... it's 10:52 pm and I hate to admit it but all I want to do is eat something. My boyfriend called into work tonight though because he is sick. So he's sleeping next to me as I write this and try not to think about how uncomfortable I am right now.
I feel like crying.
I feel like I'm huge and I just can't stop thinking about what i ate today and how it's litterally been months since I have done any...

It's only 5 pm but I'm trying to hang in there!
I know I probably didn't eat as much as i ought to today.
I just ate some pretzles.
For one my boyfriend is here so that's keeping me grounded. He is sleeping though (He works the graveyard shift) so it's hard to pre occupy my mind. I made some lavender "stress releif" tea and made a home made facial mask
I also have a lot of homework to do seeing as finals are this week and next, but I can't even concentrate...

My name is Beeze, I am 20 years old, and I struggle with anorexia nervosa and bulimia, a.k.a. EDNOS.
I have been putting myself through this miserable journey for almost 5 years now, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I want to recover more than anything, and be living the life I know I should be living at this age.
I want a healthy body, and healthy life, and a healthy relationship with food. I want to get trhough school and have a normal life. I want to recover for my boyfriend,...