Hello,

my psychiatrist has asked me to write to express myself, I would like to give a different vsion of the disease. I was diagnosed schizophrenia 16 years ago, recently I have been diagnosed with a schizoaffective disorder, I have been working for more than 10 years, I live alone and I drive my own car, I have friends and I have a normal life (except during the two occasions that I was in the hospital with a duration not exceeding two weeks).

I can say...

No, the addict in your life can not be trusted. They have lied, cheated, stolen from you, abused you... An addict, you say, can not be trusted while they are still using. I know I would rather say anything, even be a failure to avoid that look on your face. The look I get when you know I am lying, avoiding. That look you get when you find out I am struggling. That look when I fall off the pedestal you had me on. I would rather look at this as a learning process; a work in progress. A process that...

It's getting cooler now. That means more time to work outdoors. Last evening it was cooling off and a gentle breeze blew against my face. I was doing my fall pruning and I stopped to appreciate the nice weather. Of course, that meant that I did more than I should. How could such delight at gardening lead me to such pain the next day? When you have fibromyalgia and are in a flare, this happens quite often.

No, I'm not having the "poor me's." Just stating a fact....

How can a chronically ill person keep up with everyone else? This is the question I posed to my husband yesterday. How do even healthy people work full time and yet have time to mow, weed- eat, edge, and blow their lawns, wash their cars, go to their kids games, much less do all the other chores necessary each week?

I have to be truthful here. Although I know I shouldn't, I have to admit I do care what other people think. I want to keep up with the Joneses.

...

The Lemons:
I have eaten, and I have ridden 5 miles on my bike. So, after cooling down some, I am going to have a good old fashioned gripe session. I will dump the lemons, and later I will try to make lemonade out of it all. Yesterday started with a two hour drive to a dentist appointment. The dentist was repairing a damaged crown that needed replacing. There was grinding and drilling and even a some blood- letting. Yes, because of my "inflammatory" disease and the fact that...