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It hurts to be me

Posted 08-20-2010 at 02:47 AM by hsp1

I say this cause I am really wondering if I lost another online friend. See we were talking and stuff a lot, she was a really good friend to me but then my last email I sent her yesterday at 8pm I never heard back from her since then. I know that she was online cause we both go the the same site (not this site) but another.
Now I am so worried that she does not like me cause of the things I said in my email about myself. I described myself a bit more, my plain looks and how I burn to a crisp easily, you know general stuff like that. A lot of reasons are going through my head as to why she does not like me anymore. The worst part about it is that I sent her a message asking her if she got my emial I got NO reply from her.
I better brace myself for another rejection. This is going to hurt deeply. I hope that it is just my worry on the matter. But I am not really sure.
Anyway, my ambien is kicking in and I am feeling really super depressed about this loss. We just became such good friends. I just don't understand why keeping a friend is a major challenge to me.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    friendlione's Avatar

    I can relate.

    Hi hsp1,

    I can relate to your fears. I think it's normal for some of us to wonder who is a real friend. Only time tells.

    I used to waste my time wondering if it is real friendship or I got my hopes up for nothing. I think if someone dislikes a person for having ruddy skin or plain looks, she or he was never friend material. That's shallow. But just being busy or not answering for days or weeks doesn't mean anything. She may have lost interest, but don't invite any mean comments by trying to hang onto her. Go about your own life. Get involved in something others share like dog parks or art or sports. Do what you love and you will seem easier to love. Chat about what interests others.

    I once read something like this-

    Some people are in our lives for a reason, some just for a season. some for a while. some for a lifetime.

    It was written much more poetically. As a kid I always felt sure no one liked me or wanted to be my friend. I didn't see what was so wrong about me compared to other little girls. Once I grew up and had more experience in life, I came to see that people are not to be hung onto. even loving mom's get tired of that.

    Now I enjoy people for who they are, as they come and go in and out of my life. I think to be insecure and try to cling to anyone makes us vulnerable to people that are users and don't appreciate us. You are just as good as anyone else. You can change plain looks, if you choose. But I see plain people having friends and spouses. So it's not the looks, it's the attitude.

    Now I have several close friends that come and go in my life. They are busy with work, school, kids, the interests we don't share.

    I don't think it possible to be very close friends online, only. I have several online friends I truly enjoy. but neither their or my life is online. We don't know each other in person, and we respect this limitation, knowing that only live people can be our closest friends.

    It took me awhile as a kid to learn that everyone has insecurity and craves attention. But if I dwell on what I want and need I can't be there for my friend. I had to learn to get interested in other people and to just stop worrying over how long I was going to 'keep' them. No one wants to be 'kept'. But they do want freedom to come and go without guilt and I want it for myself. I am a very busy person and I expect friends to respect it and I respect their space.

    We may not ever get rid of insecurities, but we can learn to not let them control us.
    I hope this encourages you some, sweetie.
    permalink
    Posted 08-21-2010 at 12:21 AM by friendlione friendlione is offline
    Updated 08-22-2010 at 05:34 AM by Administrator
  2. Old Comment
    hsp1's Avatar

    I can relate.

    [QUOTE=friend;bt822][B][SIZE="4"][FONT="Book Antiqua"][COLOR="Magenta"]Hi hsp1,

    I can relate to your fears. I think it's normal for some of us to wonder who is a real friend. Only time tells.

    I used to waste my time wondering if it is real friendship or I got my hopes up for nothing. I think if someone dislikes a person for having ruddy skin or plain looks, she or he was never friend material. That's shallow. But just being busy or not answering for days or weeks doesn't mean anything. She may have lost interest, but don't invite any mean comments by trying to hang onto her. Go about your own life. Get involved in something others share like dog parks or art or sports. Do what you love and you will seem easier to love. Chat about what interests others.

    I once read something like this-

    Some people are in our lives for a reason, some just for a season. some for a while. some for a lifetime.

    It was written much more poetically. As a kid I always felt sure no one liked me or wanted to be my friend. I didn't see what was so wrong about me compared to other little girls. Once I grew up and had more experience in life, I came to see that people are not to be hung onto. even loving mom's get tired of that.

    Now I enjoy people for who they are, as they come and go in and out of my life. I think to be insecure and try to cling to anyone makes us vulnerable to people that are users and don't appreciate us. You are just as good as anyone else. You can change plain looks, if you choose. But I see plain people having friends and spouses. So it's not the looks, it's the attitude.

    Now I have several close friends that come and go in my life. They are busy with work, school, kids, the interests we don't share.

    I don't think it possible to be very close friends online, only. I have several online friends I truly enjoy. but neither their or my life is online. We don't know each other in person, and we respect this limitation, knowing that only live people can be our closest friends.

    It took me awhile as a kid to learn that everyone has insecurity and craves attention. But if I dwell on what I want and need I can't be there for my friend. I had to learn to get interested in other people and to just stop worrying over how long I was going to 'keep' them. No one wants to be 'kept'. But they do want freedom to come and go without guilt and I want it for myself. I am a very busy person and I expect friends to respect it and I respect their space.

    We may not ever get rid of insecurities, but we can learn to not let them control us.
    I hope this encourages you some, sweetie.[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE][/B][/QUOTE]
    Thank you so much my dear friend. I wish I read your comment before I posted my new blog entry cause your comment really has helped me to feel better ((hugs))
    permalink
    Posted 08-25-2010 at 11:02 AM by hsp1 hsp1 is offline
 

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