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Feeling REALLY depressed

Posted 09-04-2010 at 07:47 PM by hsp1
Updated 09-04-2010 at 07:48 PM by hsp1

First remember that online friend I have talked about in my blogs well she offically blew me off cause she found better. This has happened to me all my life, first my parents and then my peers and then co-workers and now this person. It deeply hurts to no end. Why do people even bother talking to me in the first place, I am a LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On top of that I had a loss, I know that this is going to sound strange but I lost I guess you could say a pet. Let me explain:
see I am at home a lot, I don't drive so I spend a lot of my time in my room. Well right next to me is my window. One day in July I looked out my window and I saw this spider guarding her sac of unborn babies. At first I was like ewww a spider...then I watched for a few minutes on how this mama spider was caring for her sac. I then started to have respect for her. Well from that point on through out the days I would check on her and I watch her birth 4 sac's of little ones and I have seen them run around and mostly leave the nest. There were other spiders around the window not many but they were more or less much shyer than this mama spider cause they hid in the corner. She became like a "pet" to me. Well the other day when I came home I found this mama spider with her legs all curled up and she passed away. I cried for hours and hours, I was so hurt and to this day I am very sad, it just does not seem the same without her.
She never hurt me like most people do. She brought joy to my sad pittiful no life I have. I loved sharing stories about her to my roommate when she got off from work, she works full time at a job that is an hour drive. So you can imagine how lonely I get. Then when I meet people they blow me off once they find better. They see me as sweet kind and warm when they first join a message board then when they get to know the ones who love gossip or the ones who have kids, better lives, are more popular they throw me aside like I am garbage. THIS HURTS DEEPLY cause this is all I know starting with my toxic parents.
I miss that spider so much I wish she was here. I loved her like she was my pet!!!
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