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I have NO life!

Posted 09-11-2010 at 07:38 PM by hsp1
Updated 09-12-2010 at 07:47 AM by Administrator

I am in my 30's I am single, never been in love. I don't drive cause of a major phobia. I live in a rural area. I don't work cause of my mental disorder. I have to wait for the state (social services) to see what kind of service that they can provide for me.
I have only one just one offline friend. But she only likes me if I talk about her favorite actor that she is so obsessed with. She wants me to like him like she does. And if I don't she will see to it that my life is miserable. I try to go along with her, but it hurts me cause I want to be free from that, I want a real guy not some fake guy (that is what I call Hollywood).
I feel like a bird trapped in a small cage, with this. I ask why? why did I not get married? Why is my life like this? I have no family cause they turned on me when I was homeless. They never wanted kids anyway. My mother is a Narsissistic and my father feeds her and he is greedy.
They never taught me how to cope with things.
Then I met my one and only friend back in the 90's. We were close but this obsession of hers with that actor has changed things. Our friendship is totally fake. See everything that she see's, cars, colors, whatever reminds her of this actor, and I hate it!!! This actor is her life, he is her everything.
She says that she does not want me to get a job. I feel like her "puppet". She just wants me to stay at home and wait for her to get off from work so that she can talk all about that dumb actor.
I really hate my life.
I have gotten the "tough love" from many that say "well get a life get a job..." but that ummm, makes me feel worse, cause I am trying but it is so hard with my depression and such.
I had to get this off my mind. Thanks for reading.
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