Things are turning downward...
Just the short of everything.
First my parents did not wish me a happy b-day and this has been the first time in my life that they did something this horrible.
Second, a message board that I go to has this one girl who was my friend once and started to leave me out now that she is "popular". I think that this girl is spreading gossip about me. Something about her seems very caniving too (she knows how to get people to like her and turn them away from weak people like me). Yes I think that this girl thinks that I am weak cause I am loving and warm and very sensitive. And deep in her heart she is mean and spiteful, in my opinion.
Third is the reason why I have not been on here in a while my computer. The internet is not working as well and it has caused panic attacks in me.
Fourth a job that I was called in to have an offer interview was just to tell me that I am NEVER allowed back to their company again cause of when I walked out last year due to a panic attack and being left out (I am pretty sure I have BPD as in borderline). This happened only a couple days after my b-day.
So much has happened, I wish I could blog that it was a turning point for me, but sadly no, it has gotten worse.
I noticed that all of this hurt has caused me to live in a fanacy world (as some call it) more, I don't think of it that way. I say this cause I was SO HURT by my parents not wishing me a happy b-day and that job offer was realy a major humitating rejection that I wrote a letter to my parents saying that I did get a job....
Bottom line, In reality I feel dead inside, I am greiving of the reality that my parents hate me and wish I was never born, they have not spoken to me since last year when I went homeless for a few weeks.
I am also greiving that some of my online "friends" (only support system now) have deserted me for some nasty hearted girl who is a wolf in sheeps clothing, but no they will not see it, in my opinion