I just ate and ate yesterday and did absolutely nothing. I had no clients at work and I am glad that I didn't because I felt like a horrible person. I have just been feeling so down on myself lately. I don't know why I go through these periods of self hatred. Is there something wrong with me? I feel depressed, is this depression? I know I would never kill myself, but sometimes I wish I were dead. Sometimes I think I inherited bad mental health genes from my mother (who is schizophrenic)....

My thought for today is that I need more structure in my life. I get so obsessed with food that it just spirals out of control so easily.

I find that when there is something I can do that feels purposeful and is in a controlled environment (i.e. not at home by myself) I can control my eating. However, if I have binged earlier that day, then forget it, the rest of the day is shot. After that, no matter where I go or what I do I think about food.

That is just what...

I have never done this posting thing before. I am just trying to have someone or something to talk to. I know now that there are other people who have had similar experiences. That knowledge alone is inspiring and makes me feel NORMAL. It's an amazing concept for me to feel normal.

Anyway, I am ready to talk about my life and I think this is a good place to do it. I just want to find a strong, peaceful and successful human underneath all of this self-doubt and worry that I...