I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
PTSD and ME
I am easily startled,can't put on the radio in the car;whether driving or parked.
It seems as if i'm fighting for my very existence daily.
I want things to change so badly but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me;at least not yet.
In the beginning,I balked at the need for so many days of therapy but it has become evident that it is warranted.
I spend way too much time in my own head.
I've been racking my brain for 7 years;trying everything possible,to get me on some path of normalcy(which would be me living up to my potential).
No one is harder on me than myself.I expect much more because of what I was capable of doing;multi-tasking was easy;now my thoughts are all over the place.
Stability is what I need but my nerves are more fragile and sensitive than ever before.
I managed to work through my addiction to drugs but this is an entirely different animal,if you will.
What will it take for me to just feel productive?
My self worth is similar to bad stocks;plummeting.