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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
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Had A Week To Think...This Was The End Result

Posted 09-01-2012 at 05:40 PM by Phoenix
Updated 09-05-2012 at 01:04 AM by Phoenix (different approach to original post)

I sat down in a different chair at my therapist's office,in the hopes that I would look at things from a different perspective.
You know what? It worked.
For almost 4 years,I was seated on that plush couch of hers;nestling in and letting my thoughts run rampant(which my therapist often has to reel me in from).
I realize these are my therapy sessions and the therapist,which i'll call Ms.T(as my eyes often turn misty when discussing sensitive issues) has been extremely helpful.
I never thought that i'd be with the same therapist for this duration.Really never gave it much consideration;until now.

At this point in time,I want to do something worthwhile with victims of abuse(when i'm ready);all different types.
I want to help,where I can,if I can,when I can.
(There are other things but at this point,I keep them close to the chest,if you will)
I find it rather difficult to continue where I left off at times.
It's like I have to take baby steps again........
It just dawned on me;the correlation between trauma's ability to help sidetrack.....so much so,that returning to previous projects or tasks can be met with difficulty.The longer away from certain tasks(for me),the more painstakingly difficult returning to them,in part or in whole becomes.
I've got to look further into this.

I may just be on to something here.Hope it's not a piece to someone else's puzzle.

I've got to use my intellect and trust,as I have serious self-esteem issues,which is a key to why I can't move further in my life at the moment.......
One of many keys that i've both found and currently search for.
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