I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
The Hunger Within
It's interesting that I used the word "hunger" because there is very little that motivates me and I must hold on to that which is offered me.
I want to be a friend to others but it's rather difficult when a person possesses unresolved trust issues.
I want so much right now;not in a materialistic sense but spiritually.
You see,I respect all religions and denominations.
I metaphorically hunger for any and everything possible,that will gain me further understanding.My quest for additional introspection leaves me famished.
If it weren't for this site and my fortunate resolve over adversity time and again,my life would have definitely turned out different.
The things i've learned over the years are priceless to me.
If it seems like i'm vague at times,it's not intentional but some wounds still remain so deep and cavernous,that if I dare enter them,I fear both the time it will take me to exit and whether I will be worse for the wear for doing so.
A chill just went through me.....enough for now.....