I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Using Safe Place Imagery (The Condensed Version)
It took quite some time for me to even close my eyes in her presence.
Once I was able to envision places,they were dark and dungeon-like in appearance;if not totally dark.
I noticed a place in my apartment that I could call reasonably safe and used that image for a while but still couldn't close my eyes while she was in the room.
I was finally able to close my eyes in her office but noticed a hand in the upper right corner.
The next session i'd envision a hand in the upper left corner.
As my safe place was beach-like,I also envisioned sand crabs,which I occasionally had to kick,using both feet at times.
Thinking all of this as too odd,I never mentioned it to my therapist.
Several sessions later,I imagined my newly tropical safe place but noticed that the waters were beginning to rise and each session the seas rose that much higher.
It wasn't until the waters reached my nostrils and slowly rising that I remembered it all.
I recalled the right hand and reached out and then the left hand;all the while kicking my feet,remembering those pesky sand crabs........the session ended and I left in an anxious state;trying to remain calm in the eyes of my therapist.
The very next session I was on another island but noticed I was extremely tired.
I put the pieces together to realize that the last session;the right arm,then left reaching and the kicking was my attempt to swim and I must've either gotten it right and swam to safety or was carried by the undertow to safety.
Either way I put it,I was safe again.