I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Growing up with him was tough,for so many reasons but this isn't about pointing solely at the bad.
I now view the "not so good times" as historic points in my life,that without them,it wouldn't have brought me to where I am today.
Knowing him has made me a better individual,for I learned a lot from him and have to admit that it wasn't all bad.
My "baptism" in spirituality has left me open(in part)to forgiveness.
No one's perfect and i'm not letting him off the hook by any means.
I am just approaching my relationship with him differently,as both my mother and (lone sibling) brother have net their maker before I.
Dad,though you may never end up reading this(which in part is reason for initiating this) I want you to know that your son is learning to accept what the meaning of forgiveness is(at least to me).
Gone are the times that I stick by my sole reason for continuously reaching out to him( that being for my daughter to have a relationship with him).
It's a new day for me,in so many ways.
I now realize that a lot of his tactical approaches towards dealing with life I have adopted(in a good way).
He is the most "head-strong" person I have come across in my life.
I respect him today, for both the person he is and what he represents to me.
Through it all,I have learned not to try so hard to be perfect(at least in the dictionary definition of the word).