I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Seven shades of miserable part IV
Updated 12-15-2012 12:35 AM by Phoenix
I've got to remember why i'm doing this in the first place.................oh yeah;to better satisfy my quality of life issues.
Feeling this drained has to have its advantages,doesn't it?
As long as i'm being facetious and not actually talking to myself and responding in kind,i'm in a good place.
Somehow though,I feel as if i'm on a tightrope dangling.I don't dare look down to see how far my feet are away from solid ground.What I do is keep my eyes shut and imagine that i'm only a few inches from safety.
Knowing the way I feel won't last forever is some consolation and other's well wishes help immensely but i'm searching for something more.
This is where my faith comes in;whether i'm feeling good,mildly adequate or just downright bad,I give thanks and realize that I must persevere.
Failure is not an option.
I have all the proverbial tools necessary for success,I just need to begin implementing them more efficiently.
While going through this,I must remember that idleness is going to get me nowhere.
What's that twisted saying of mine again again?.........
Oh yeah: "if I told you twice,I told you once."
I realize it's supposed to be the other way around but I can have a little wordplay fun from time to time.It occupies the mind and helps to distract me from the way that i'm feeling;miserable.
Even that's alright for now.I expect it.
That's why advanced preparation is key in times such as this.
To be continued.......