I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Seven shades of miserable part V
Updated 12-17-2012 10:46 PM by Phoenix
Yesterday I attended mass and once service had ended,as the parishioners were leaving,I did something.I proceeded to make the sign of the cross and went up to the altar.Atop,there was a cross with Jesus' image adorned.I proceeded to touch the wounded areas of the image and then my specific points of pain.Now it wasn't the first and by no means the last time I will proceed in like fashion.
What separated this from any other time, was that the priest,once I came down from the altar,gave me an immense hug from the side and said:"I love you" in which I replied:"I love you too." We are all God's children,right?
Back to the hug.When he squeezed,all I could feel was the pain in my body resonating but for some reason I didn't object.I looked around,feeling a tad embarrassed,as I felt singled out and left the church.
This morning,I woke and stood up,to find that my lumbar pain had decreased significantly.
Some may call it a coincidence but I for one,will not.I will view it as a sign and nothing less.Not because I have to but in my heart of hearts,I truly want to.
Take that misery! (that's me stomping on it)