I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Seven shades of miserable part VI
There's something to what he said then,which I choose to include now.
Slowly but surely,i've noticed that my ideas are shifting towards the positive aspect of life in general.
The bigger picture is slowly coming into focus and envisioning its' counter-part,the smaller has become an attainable goal.
All I ever wanted to do was free myself from the shackles of this miserable funk.
The key has been there all the time;right in front of my face.It was I that was looking elsewhere.
My answer to how a person rids themselves from misery is simple yet complex:"One has to go through something in order to truly appreciate another circumstance."
I'm not saying that I have it all figured out because in reality,we never stop learning.
I have begun to practice humility and in that am learning to be all that is meant of me.Without this,I can easily get caught up in situations and lose focus.
One thing that i'm learning to do is place fewer expectations on others.We are all individuals,with different abilities,with separate proficiency levels.
I realize that what I have I can't give but share with others and it's in the sharing that I have the ability to grow as an individual.
Looking at my life now,i've stunted both my emotional and spiritual growth over various points,due to certain situations(mostly traumatic).
I refuse to run anymore;from myself.
I hated things about myself for so long,not realizing that it all helped me build character.
The culmination of my life's travels has brought me right here,right now and I finally realize that i'm exactly where I need to be;for now.
The potential is there;I'm beginning to feel it.
May this feeling never go away;ever.