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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
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Seven shades of misery part VII(the Final shade)

Posted 12-20-2012 at 04:14 AM by Phoenix

Well,here I am...the culmination of all my blogs come full circle.
I reminisce about the years of anger and what I allowed it to do to me.
It turned me into this unrecognizable being.Losing sight of myself was the least of my worries(or so it seemed).I had no concern for my own well-being.
My health declined,then stabilized and plummeted again.I was truly Mr.Inconsistent.
Truth be told,I didn't care if I lived,due to my quality of life issues.I was in the deepest,darkest place that I could imagine;an abyss of my own mind's making.
There was always this healthy part of me,that wanted better for himself but the percentages weren't in its favor.
I had this yin/yang thing going on,without the equated balance of the two extremes.
I'd learned to hate myself or at the very least,show detest for what I created.I wanted to escape but wouldn't put the effort in to become successful at the task.
Taking self-inventory had to become priority #1,if I was to regain even a semblance of what once was.

Fast forward to today.I've come a long way since then;almost throwing in the towel,based on my emotions.
My rebirth,if you will,couldn't have been accomplished without help from all who reached out to me in my time of need.
Whether realizing it or not,they all made a difference in my life and I will do no less than pay it forward,in a positive and respectful manner.
I'm no longer angry;full of questions with no resentment.
I end this blog the same way I did the first entry,stating that I guess there's more fight in this dog after all.

Take care,be well and above all else be open to opinions,suggestions and other's genuine well-wishes.
It may just save your life;I know it did mines.Amen.
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  1. Old Comment
    Hi. Thank you very much for sharing these very honest and open-minded thoughts, not at all done in a selfish "me. Me. Me." way at all. The way it came across to me, was in a very unselfish, giving, and hopefully to perhaps spare someone else from CHOOSING to go on the same path, therefore eliminate the same outcome, when possible. Thank you, because it really did help me out right now. Tonight. I feel as if my soul was touched. Not in some deeply moving inspirational manner, but, exactly how is not really important. As I'm just about to go to sleep now, I feel less stressed out. More freedom. Less weight on my shoulders. I feel a lot lighter. I pray that one day I'll be able to do this exact same thing to at least one other person. And, with that thought in mind, I go to sleep with "helping someone else besides myself" in mind. To be honest, I never really ever knew what a "blog" was. This time I decided to "click" on it. And my answer was really "just a click away." Lol. Thank you and goodnight.
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    Posted 05-17-2013 at 11:49 PM by Karlee1010 Karlee1010 is offline
 

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