I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
I Should've Seen It Coming
Let me rewind this a little....
Early February of this year,I decided to enter into the world of stocks.
I explained this to my father and explained to him that I did the research and all but was met with "be careful" then and every time since.
One of my picks is outperforming the rest,so I had to share this with my father,right?
I was met with: "all the others should be doing the same."
As we ended our conversation,I was met with a myriad of emotions but I should've known better.
He's been that way with me since I can remember.
I use to make excuses for his comments: maybe he's trying to bring out the best in me and is trying to get me to strive for better.
Wait one;it just dawned on me while i'm never satisfied.
Here's the thing though....I can't blame him for the way I cling to his words as if he is the ultimate authority.
It bothers me;less than yesterday and the effect has dissipated dramatically.
The disappointing reality of it all is that i'll never get a genuine "atta boy" or anything close.
Truth is,when he does say it(in the rare instance) his timing is so off that it comes off as being less than genuine.
Yet and still he'll call up everyone and probably take credit for the way i choose my picks.
Life goes on though..........