I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance, i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy, the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow; there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
No Pain..Tell Brain(as opposed to No Pain,No Gain)
Although i'm experiencing physical pain,psychologically i've been able to convince myself that worse has been endured.
As it seems to work and by all accounts is true,it seems to put me at an advantage.
Now don't get me wrong;i'm not anti-medication but rather pro-"me."
To know that I definitely have to be dependent on a pain med as opposed to "possibly may have to" means the world to me at this point in time.
One thing I don't want to do is take medication just for the sake of using it.
I wouldn't go as far as saying i'm the authoritarian on drugs or abuse but this is my personal accounting;let's just say i'm keeping the focus on myself.
I saw an article the other day pertaining to people in hospices and could only imagine the pain they must be experiencing on a regular basis.It's scenarios like that I play over and over in my mind,until it sort of registers.
One should never say never but God above knows that I don't want to backslide into the world of addiction;not again.Ten years(on and off)was enough and thirteen years free is just my starting point.
The world doesn't know how grateful I am;to post this message in my blog with a clear head.
I pray the same for all who are suffering or are riddled with uncertainty.