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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.
I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
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Posted 12-20-2012 04:14 AM by Phoenix
Well,here I am...the culmination of all my blogs come full circle.
I reminisce about the years of anger and what I allowed it to do to me.
It turned me into this unrecognizable being.Losing sight of myself was the least of my worries(or so it seemed).I had no concern for my own well-being.
My health declined,then stabilized and plummeted again.I was truly Mr.Inconsistent.
Truth be told,I didn't care if I lived,due to my quality of life issues.I was in the deepest,darkest...
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Posted 11-19-2012 03:06 AM by Phoenix
For years I use to be so angry at him,nicknaming him "the person I call father,the grinch" and a host of other names.
Growing up with him was tough,for so many reasons but this isn't about pointing solely at the bad.
I now view the "not so good times" as historic points in my life,that without them,it wouldn't have brought me to where I am today.
Knowing him has made me a better individual,for I learned a lot from him and have to admit that it wasn't all...
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Posted 11-01-2012 04:38 AM by Phoenix
Updated 11-18-2012 01:18 AM by Phoenix
I though that once certain issues in my life over,I would feel much better;dare I use the word "relieved."
This couldn't be further from the truth,yet I still try to put on a happy face.
It does leave me with a ton of anxiety to deal with though.
I don't know whether to embrace it or distance myself from its' existence.
It's sort of tricky,like a catch-22 scenario.
I have to release myself from this feeling sometime soon.......
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Posted 10-25-2012 11:57 PM by Phoenix
Updated 10-26-2012 11:43 PM by Phoenix
I have come to realize that I possess a certain "hunger" within myself,which creates a driving force to help me maintain life on the straight and narrow.
It's interesting that I used the word "hunger" because there is very little that motivates me and I must hold on to that which is offered me.
I want to be a friend to others but it's rather difficult when a person possesses unresolved trust issues.
I want so much right now;not in...
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Posted 10-24-2012 09:14 AM by Phoenix
Updated 10-25-2012 07:10 PM by Phoenix
Hang in there long enough and miracles can happen.
When I say miracles,i'm not referring to walking on water or anything that miraculous.
I am a miracle and I say that with a humbled heart and soul. In all actuality,we all are but I will keep the focus on myself.
I survived early childhood abuse,witnessed my brother being stabbed,which subsequently led to his murder,became addicted to drugs and was in a motor vehicle accident,that ended up aggravating pre-existing...
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