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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
Old

Seven shades of miserable

Posted 11-28-2012 at 09:13 AM by Phoenix (Getting Out Of A Funk)
Updated 11-28-2012 at 12:33 PM by Phoenix

I'm currently lowering my dosages of pain medications because I truly need to see if my body can go without them,as I fully understand that the body can naturally build tolerance toward certain legally controlled substances(motor vehicle accident-2005).
I will say it's not the easiest thing I had to do but far from the harshest i've experienced.
This is where my faith comes in.
I truly believe that a power greater than myself can return my body to "sanity" if you will....
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My Father

Posted 11-19-2012 at 03:06 AM by Phoenix (Getting Out Of A Funk)

For years I use to be so angry at him,nicknaming him "the person I call father,the grinch" and a host of other names.
Growing up with him was tough,for so many reasons but this isn't about pointing solely at the bad.
I now view the "not so good times" as historic points in my life,that without them,it wouldn't have brought me to where I am today.
Knowing him has made me a better individual,for I learned a lot from him and have to admit that it wasn't all...
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Going To Miss My Therapist

Posted 11-18-2012 at 07:48 AM by Phoenix (Getting Out Of A Funk)
Updated 11-18-2012 at 07:58 AM by Phoenix

Nothing lasts forever and I feel that it's slowly running its' course.
There were good times and not so good.
Through it all,I learned a lot about myself.
I look back at therapy as a whole;the places i've been and the things I had to endure.
I'm a better person for it.
For the first time in years,I am beginning to see light,not yet knowing how far away I am from the end of my tunnel but that's alright for me,for now.
Things are beginning to happen for me,in...
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Using Safe Place Imagery (The Condensed Version)

Posted 11-18-2012 at 12:49 AM by Phoenix (Getting Out Of A Funk)
Updated 11-18-2012 at 08:06 AM by Phoenix

I remember the first time my therapist told me about safe place imagery.To tell the truth,I didn't pay it much mind;primarily because I couldn't envision a place that I could truly call "safe."
It took quite some time for me to even close my eyes in her presence.
Once I was able to envision places,they were dark and dungeon-like in appearance;if not totally dark.
I noticed a place in my apartment that I could call reasonably safe and used that image for a while but...
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There's This Emptiness Inside

Posted 11-01-2012 at 04:38 AM by Phoenix (Getting Out Of A Funk)
Updated 11-18-2012 at 01:18 AM by Phoenix

I though that once certain issues in my life over,I would feel much better;dare I use the word "relieved."
This couldn't be further from the truth,yet I still try to put on a happy face.
It does leave me with a ton of anxiety to deal with though.

I don't know whether to embrace it or distance myself from its' existence.
It's sort of tricky,like a catch-22 scenario.

I have to release myself from this feeling sometime soon.......
...
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