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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.

I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.

There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.

For instance, i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy, the worse.

Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.

Wow; there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.

I'm Tired

Posted 08-13-2012 03:13 AM by Phoenix

As this is entry #7,which is supposed to be a lucky number,maybe I'll find success in posting this preface as well as blog below......

When I say I'm tired;it's physically,psychologically,metaphoricall y,existentially and yet I have yet to get here goes.....
my soul hurts(I,myself,am blown away by what I just mentioned).

Most think of religion when mentioning this awe-inspired word but that's not what this is about.
My soul (at least to...
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Posted 08-12-2012 07:55 AM by Phoenix
Updated 09-09-2012 07:30 AM by Phoenix

All these symptoms are bothersome.
I am easily startled,can't put on the radio in the car;whether driving or parked.
It seems as if i'm fighting for my very existence daily.
I want things to change so badly but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me;at least not yet.

In the beginning,I balked at the need for so many days of therapy but it has become evident that it is warranted.
I spend way too much time in my own head.
I've been racking my brain...
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Waking The Sleeping Giant To Open The Flood Gates

Posted 08-11-2012 05:05 PM by Phoenix

Well,here I go again.....
The movie that plays over and over in my mind has wound me up yet again(Hello Mr.Klonopin).
I can't get the thought of the accident and all its' subcomponents out of my head.
Why can't I seem to go forward,without feeling i'm taking two steps back?
I've had an eating disorder before but never 7 years straight nor in intensity of sometimes up to ten times a day.
This accident has opened the flood gates to all of my other issues and it makes...
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My Therapist's a Godsend

Posted 08-11-2012 04:01 PM by Phoenix

Even though she stated that she's retiring next May,I look back at the nearly 4 years of sessions.
She knows me to a tee almost,which is a reason that I feel that I can be myself around her.
She doesn't judge me and stops me when I wade in the waters of victim mode too long.
She is fully aware that every session since day one,I can speak about how the motor vehicle accident of July 27th has severely impaired my life but she stops me from time to time,which is a good thing....
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A Wake Up Call

Posted 08-11-2012 08:22 AM by Phoenix

Early this morning,say around 2am EST,I took a drive because I couldn't seem to sleep.
Lo and behold,I see a woman sleeping in front of a library and she had something that resembled a child's bassinet.
As she wasn't facing me,I can't really say with 100% surety that there was a child with her.
I was so torn by what I saw,that I didn't have the heart to call the authorities.

It was a wake up call for me;to be grateful for what I do have.

I don't...
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