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I've been in this "funk" if you will,for over 7 years now.
I have come to realize that life has to be complicated for me,for it seems to be a distraction at points,from my daily ailments.
There is this intense anger felt inside,which I must admit,has gotten the better of me and my relationship with my family members.
I realize that my decisions have paved the way towards my current destination.
PTSD and Depression,along with chronic pain,for me,brings about anger but it doesn't simply end there.
I'm not about to make this a pity blog but I have to get this out to move forward.
When I say i've "been there and done that," i'm not bragging but simply stating i've been through more than my fair share of unfortunate situations.
For instance,i'm in pain right now and working through it while typing this.It actually feels like i'm in a boxing match with myself.The healthy part wants the best and the unhealthy,the worse.
Unfortunately for me,there's no on or off switch for what ails me,so i'm going to try something different.
This morning I used my phone's camera to take a few pictures.
One of them I even used to change my avatar.
Wow;there's actually more fight in this dog than i've given myself credit for.
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Posted 05-04-2013 06:39 AM by Phoenix
I suppose the saying that pain is inevitable,in one way shape or form applies here.
Although i'm experiencing physical pain,psychologically i've been able to convince myself that worse has been endured.
As it seems to work and by all accounts is true,it seems to put me at an advantage.
Now don't get me wrong;i'm not anti-medication but rather pro-"me."
To know that I definitely have to be dependent on a pain med as opposed to "possibly may...
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Posted 04-03-2013 01:33 AM by Phoenix
At this point, I should've known better but some innate,unresolved childhood insecurity still left in me,caused this.
Let me rewind this a little....
Early February of this year,I decided to enter into the world of stocks.
I explained this to my father and explained to him that I did the research and all but was met with "be careful" then and every time since.
One of my picks is outperforming the rest,so I had to share this with my father,right?...
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Posted 04-02-2013 12:12 AM by Phoenix
I thought to myself that the most effective way to prove others wrong is by actions;words tend to come off as empty gestures (depending upon the circumstance).
When I look back at all my deeds and misdeeds;the good,bad and ugly,I am faced with a few complex questions:
1) Who am I?
2) What do I want out of life?
3) Where can I find true
4) Once I locate it,how do I keep from misplacing this priceless gem?
The answers lie within,as...
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Posted 03-10-2013 08:18 AM by Phoenix
It's been a while since I posted here and there's so much to be said but i'll keep this concise and to the point.
I've finally found something that makes sense to me and not one of my family members is behind me in my endeavor.
I'm told i'll lose money and am tired of the constant:"be careful" along with offering me their own advice.
What I need to do,for me,is to venture out on my own and do what I feel comfortable enough doing.
Nothing ventured,nothing gained....
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Posted 12-20-2012 04:14 AM by Phoenix
Well,here I am...the culmination of all my blogs come full circle.
I reminisce about the years of anger and what I allowed it to do to me.
It turned me into this unrecognizable being.Losing sight of myself was the least of my worries(or so it seemed).I had no concern for my own well-being.
My health declined,then stabilized and plummeted again.I was truly Mr.Inconsistent.
Truth be told,I didn't care if I lived,due to my quality of life issues.I was in the deepest,darkest...
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