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Just an account of a taper a relapse and then a cold turkey withdrawal. I have been on percocet 10/325 15 mg every 5 hours since 2004, plus got higher on them. I have tapered off once and cold turkey once. The percocet gave me so much energy, and a feeling of euphoria (I love that word)I needed it for pain a sometimes. The best word for detox is hell. The best word for 2 weeks after detox is melancholy (also a great word, just fits). And the best word for good clean abstinence is reality. If you are dealing with opiate addiction and want recovery, I hope that my blog will help you as much as it helps me.
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day 13 percocet cold turkey withdrawal, alcoholism

Posted 01-30-2013 at 08:06 AM by rosebuddy

Depressed. Hungover. The two of us drank almost a whole bottle of stoley vodka last night, a tuesday. I am tired and a littlle hungover and I have 3 appointments today: the dentist, the optomatrist, and a mammogram. I only have a car 2 days a week, so getting drunk last night was pretty stupid. I was so thirsty and asked my husband to bring home some vodka. We had fun, I guess. But it is the same thing we do every time we drink. Listen to loud music and dance some. I cancelled the dental appointment which is at 9.

I feel really bad about myself. Why do I have to be an active addict and alky. I know why. I was sick, I got on percs, and that lead to drinking. i was depressed about losing my health, my job, everything. It all changed. And I thought what does it matter? If life is going to be like this, I might as well drink. And I did. I was at a Mexican restaurant kind of far from home, kinda high on percs, and I ordered a virgin margarita. And then I went up to the bar and asked them to put tequila in it. I was with my 16 year old daughter, who grew up with a sober mom that went to AA. Then I thought well, I drank this, I might as well have my drink of choice, so I drank and gin and tonic. I was too messed up to drive. I had to sit in the car and sober up before I could drive.
I got home and my husband who was 10 years sober was mad. But when I explained, he agreed and we both have been takin' percs and drinking since. That was 2004. I imagine our livers are messed up from all the acetemenaphen. And i know that in my head, and I swear off the liquor every day, but we always end up drinking.

I did 10 step inventory yesterday regarding some actions on my part that I needed to deal with concerning another person. And at one point, I thought what would my sponsor say if she knew all of this. (She is my best friend, or was) What should I do? Go to a meeting. throw out the liquor. read my big book. I read my big book some and then just set it aside. I know it front to back. Self-knowledge avails us nothing. I gotta hit bottom and ask a higher power to remove the obsession and compulsion and get back on the beam.

Today is my bottom. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm going to a meeting on Friday. Shoot. I should go today. I'm just not willing. I will pray for the willingness to go to meetings.

Life is just too short for this. I'm 51 years old. I am alone all day. Theres a great big world out there. i am stuck.
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