Thought I would write from my journal and maybe it will interest someone. More and more. That is how it alway's must be in that sickness of yours. (I tend to write third person a lot) Perhaps you have not seen a real day in quite some time. Have you forgotten how fresh the breeze blows? Have you taken any walks on a quiet country road?
No. You have lost yourself in that blur of hurry up and waste your life. Notice how you never reach your destination. It was a fleeting idea too hard...

Well here I am again. I was not talking about people in my last blog who take meds for legitimate pain. I have legitimate pain that I take pain medication for. I am talking about the one that uses to get high. It doesn't matter, an addict is an addict. So I couldn't take the sick feeling and I am tired of lying in bed all week only to get up and go get drugs. It is as if I can not do anything if I am not using. I am sure there is some depression there. Using tends to make you forget...

I wonder, is there anyone out there that thinks he or she is not an addict just because they are on some pill. I see all kinds of people on here wanting help and advice for getting off xanax or vicodin or other pills but no one that wants help or support for methamphetamine, cocaine, crack addiction. Am I the only one that thinks that I am an addict or that you pill poppers are addicts?
I am so sick of myself and getting so depressed lately due to this meth addiction. I have beat a...

No, the addict in your life can not be trusted. They have lied, cheated, stolen from you, abused you... An addict, you say, can not be trusted while they are still using. I know I would rather say anything, even be a failure to avoid that look on your face. The look I get when you know I am lying, avoiding. That look you get when you find out I am struggling. That look when I fall off the pedestal you had me on. I would rather look at this as a learning process; a work in progress. A process that...

I feel bad about what I am doing. I put on a smile when all the while I'm runnin' on an emptiness and real feelings I dare not display. I am out of touch and if I could just take a moment I would be able to peek at what is really bothering me. That is the thing, it is not all about me.

I am manic and unable to sort out anything. So why punish and get the guilt trip going? That only allows my head to hang and I have been practicing holding it up. All the bs needs to stop....