OCD & Marriage
My pregnancy is never a joyful experience. If it is not for my religious beliefs, our child will not have existed. At her infant stage, I will never forget that you rather use a pacifier to stop her cries than to wake up and make milk for her. You have starved her for 5 hours while I black out from exhausion. I will never ever forget that you rather slept through the night instead of getting up to help me to feed her and clean her.
How do you convince me to have a second child? You never did. I was so naive to think that you will change. What change? Nothing change. When you are stressed up from work, you came home and vent your frustration on me by shouting or jumping on the smallest nitty gritty things. You blame me for not talking to you but how to? With your display of such aggression even when watching a normal trival show. How to talk to you? A heart-to-heart conversation can hardly ever happen unless you get yourself into some kind of mess again. When you need us to save you from the mess again. Yes - you will start begging for forgiveness. You will start blaming yourself for not being a good father. Isn't it too late? Why are you thinking you can be a good father? Through forcing us to do what you think is best for us? Well, to me, it simply doesn't make any sense. How did it make sense to you? You ensure that I listen to every word you said and obey every instruction you gave me? What makes you think that you are worthy of me to go to that extend? Honestly, I have gone pass that stage of trying to figure out how to make you recover or to make our marriage work. I every much wanted to tell you how I truly feel. I am not thinking hard how to sustain our marriage. Wait till she grows up and tell her that I can start planning for myself? Probably that is the best way out to let her grow up in a complete family. And yes - avoidance to your ocd is the best solution that I can think of which is the most suitable for her upbringing.