tiredofhiding

God, I hope someone knows what I'm talking about!
I had my youngest son 2 years ago, and ended up with hemorroids.which went away with no problems. Then, about six months ago, they came back after a bout of constipation, and the pain was soo intense at first, I lived in a bathtub of warm water everyday for weeks after a bowel movement. Then, all of the sudden no more pain, but I have HUGE external ones now that only hurt every once in awhile. Then one evening I tried medicine for the internal ones also, and what I saw freaked me out, I had squirted blood all over the bathroom after inserting the medicine. So, needless to say, I just live with the discomfort now. But the thing is, I bleed 24/7 and I also have some sort of discharge all the time, and I have to keep on a pad or pantyliner, because if not, it soaks straight through to my clothes. I'm soo embarrassed, I just now called for a Dr. appointment next week. And I'm very worried, and embarrassed. I have no idea what to expect. But, I cant take the discomfort anymore. It feels like something just lays on my rectum all the time, and is pushing down. Not to mention, my sex life is strained now, because, I'm soo emberrassed about having these nasty things hanging out of my bottom, along with the discharge. My boyfriend is great, it's like he doesn't even notice them, but I do. And I'm very self consious about it.
So, please, anyone who has had this problem, please tell me what is going on, and will it get better.
Thank You.